The Mystical in the Mundane

Notice to Anyone Who Reads this Blog

2011-10-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

I won't be updating this much anymore. I'm trying to steer clear of google products and will eventually be closing my google accounts.
I self host and I have a very simple Family blog for those of you (Happy Mama - this means you ;) ) who might enjoy keeping up with my posts, especially those more related to the simple family things.
The blog is called justalittleblog.ca . I also have a gallery attached to it, link is in top right corner of the blog, and if you are a friend of mine reading this, feel free to post a comment here asking for access to the gallery part and I will make it so.
I am going to keep most of my political, spiritual, on-a-whim type posts to terraspiritus.ca (its been up for awhile, and this blog here has been crossposting to it for a long time) , but I wanted to just have a nice, little blog to keep track of my day to day little blessings with my family. Justalittleblog.ca is not meant to be brainy, or thought provoking or anything like that. It is more just the sort of thing I would jot down on paper in a real Journal.
Much Love,
Shilo

G-Male... The perfect boyfriend, or is he? (google personified mwuahahaha)

2011-09-23T10:36:00.001-07:00

Autumn emerging

2011-09-15T11:18:00.001-07:00

It is an hour until noon. We are at the park. The wind is blowing, the skies are grey. The Canadian geese are calling out as they fly overhead. A few aged sunscorched leaves are fluttering down and sporadic raindrops find us in the breeze. The pans of the scale are shifting again with the heat of summer now beginning to balance out the chill of the dark season ahead. Autumn blessings.

Random Post : If one day my collection of fav books is dug up by a future civilization

2011-09-15T00:15:00.001-07:00

I was thinking about some of my favourite inspirational books and quotes.

The first book that changed my life (other than embarking on the Darktower Series of course) was The Road Less Travelled. Scott Peck.

About the same time was Celestine Prophecy. James Redfield. I admit I have not made it through the Tenth Insight. I will one day.

Time passed and then it was A New Earth.

From there, something in me was awoken and in a round-a-bout way it led me to the writings found at Nag Hammadi. I spent about a year diving into Gnostic texts, as well as those considered 'Gnostic related' - in fact I am still browsing about and pouring over those periodically.

Finding The Gospel of Thomas warmed my heart to no end.

Cynthia Bourgeault's Wisdom Way of Knowing was very lovely, and one of my favourites, closely followed or tied with Living Buddah, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh. I also LOVED Mitch Albom's Have a Little Faith.

The MOST inspirational book out of those however was A New Earth. I don't care how 'New Age'ey people think it is. This book moved me. It redirected my way of thinking back to a spirtual 'IS' ness that had been lacking horribly. I read it at a time of my life when I was still very active in the Craft. It did not cause me to toss away my ideas or beliefs, but I could not help but see those beliefs take on a whole new dimension. Both this book and my dearly loved Gospel of Thomas remind me of a tarot deck. It doesn't show you anything that you do not already know, it brings out what is inside you. Your understanding of it will vary, depending on your personality and experiences.

I came across A New Earth totally by accident. I moved to a new town. I didn't know anyone. I bought some formula for my new baby, hoping the formula would help him sleep a bit longer, as the feedings every 1.5 hours were driving me insane (a short drive, granted) . Shoppers Drug Mart was giving out gift certificates for Chapters. 10.00 for every 75.00 or 100.00 spent. Can't quite remember which. So, I went home, and went online to see what 10.00 could get me. It had to be cheap because all I had was the 10.00 gift certificate and no 'credit' on my credit card.

I checked the bargain bin section of the store. There was a book that came up for about 4.00.It had a shiny looking sort of salmon-orange cover. Looked neat. A New Earth. I had never heard of it. It was 2007, and this book had not been plastered all over the TV talk shows yet. I just saw a pretty 4.00 book, did the math with the shipping and found out I could afford it. So, I ordered it.

I started reading it and then I had one of those cliche 'aha!' moments that they kept talking about on Oprah later on. Many of them actually. I was able to spend the next few months putting into practice what I read and I'm telling you, when in that mindset??? Life is so freaking amazingly simple.

It was that book in particular that opened my mind to the realization of all paths being one path, etc. (most likely because it draws on many different 'wisdom teachings' that have already been mentioned in other books, but often in a much more difficult dialect for a noob like myself) I started questioning the 'why's' of the things I was doing in my current path, and allowed room for change and growth. Began investigating Buddhism, Gnosticism, Early Christianity, Sufism, Kabbalah, and Mysticism. It really did get something inside me to start thinking. Since that time, even now, when I pick up that book, the concepts feel just as valid to me now.

So I was thinking... If I took my favourite books, and bound them.Buried them. Leaving them to be found by a future civilization, like the Nag Hammadi... what would it look like? What kind of assumptions would be made.

Do the books we love provide a glimpse of who we are? I really think it does. Books we love... not just books we read so that we can tell people how brilliant we are because we just read the latest over-wordy, over-complex, snobbish bit of ink and paper to grace the academic world. The books that moved us. Taught us, and affected us the most deeply.

Of course, bound with the books mentioned above, would HAVE to be the entire Darktower Series. ;)

</random post>

Willow

2011-09-12T08:35:00.001-07:00

Shed

2011-09-12T08:30:00.001-07:00

First day of preschool

2011-09-09T10:23:00.001-07:00

Morning walk, playing at the park.

2011-09-08T09:48:00.001-07:00

Brothers (and dog)

2011-09-05T19:34:00.001-07:00

Evening walk

2011-09-05T19:28:00.001-07:00

Tree

2011-09-02T13:31:00.001-07:00

Spiritual but Not Religious? Please Stop Boring Me.

2011-09-01T22:59:00.001-07:00

http://www.ucc.org/feed-your-spirit/daily-devotional/spiritual-but-not-religious.html

Take a few moments to read this post, written by a Minister within the UCC. Her name is Lillian Daniel.

I came across this article, posted on facebook. I read it, and at first it did not irritate me fully, I more or less dismissed it as being smug and snarky, but not a big deal. Then, as conversation over it grew, and I read it again, I realized that actually, it pissed me off.

One of my favourite quotes from it:

Next thing you know, he's telling me that he finds God in the sunsets. These people always find God in the sunsets. And in walks on the beach. Sometimes I think these people never leave the beach or the mountains, what with all the communing with God they do on hilltops, hiking trails and . . . did I mention the beach at sunset yet?

Another quote, even more sweet is:

Thank you for sharing, spiritual but not religious sunset person. You are now comfortably in the norm for self-centered American culture, right smack in the bland majority of people who find ancient religions dull but find themselves uniquely fascinating.

To get the whole feel for the article, one has to read it, but those are two of the highlights. Now, I will say, that I get it. I understand that she seems to feel prosecuted and under appreciated. She probably is under appreciated. Clergy often work tirelessly for little pay. She seems to think that when she sits next to someone on a plane, informs them she is a Minister, and they say that they find God in nature, somehow they are insinuating that they are above her. She internalizes their comment about communing with God on hilltops or trails, to mean that what a congregation does, in church, is somehow invalid. Nowhere does she inform us in her article that anyone SAYS these things, rather this is simply what she assumes they are implying.

Lillian Daniel also says:

How lucky we are to have these geniuses inform us that God is in nature. As if we don’t hear that in the psalms, the creation stories and throughout our deep tradition.

Pardon me? What a lovely attitude. I have not read anything so condescending in quite some time. Not from a Minister anyhow. Yes Lillian, you can hear about God in nature from the psalms and creation stories. Though "throughout our deep tradition" sort of throws me a bit. I don't recall a strong sense of panentheism in the Christian tradition.I have spent a lot of time in church. Different churches, and although some Priests or Ministers seem to have a natural ability to bring the essence of Divinity into the church, hearing it and reading it in a book is not the same as experiencing it. Kicking off your shoes and dancing into the arms of Deity. Sitting on the deck on a spring morning, listening to a raven fly by over head, the wind rushing under his wings and the trees dancing in the breeze. The Divine that is found in Silence. In just being.

I'm not belittling the work that Clergy, or a dedicated church community engages in.

Can I switch seats now and sit next to someone who has been shaped by a mighty cloud of witnesses instead? Can I spend my time talking to someone brave enough to encounter God in a real human community? Because when this flight gets choppy, that's who I want by my side, holding my hand, saying a prayer and simply putting up with me, just like we try to do in church

Uh... okay?! Yeah, sitting side by side with people who 'put up' with each other, like in church. How many churches DO put up with each other? Do you dress differently? Are you LGBT? Divorced? Sure, the UCC that Lillian is Minister of stresses equality and inclusion for all, but many religions are not so tolerant.

Let's face it, religion was created by humans. Someone has an idea of what they think Deity is. They share their ideas, their insights, and someone else agrees, and then another person agrees, and suddenly you have a Religion. Yes, it is simplified, but that's what it is. Is it so hard to understand that many people look at all the little boxes out there with a Religion Specific Label affixed on it, and just don't resonate with any of them? In this day and age , with so many diverse cultures, families, religions and scientific understandings why is it surprising that some people can only identify with being Spritual... but not religious? Looking at all the murders, intolerance, and fundamentalist insanity, how is it fair to belittle someone who simply does not follow a life of religious doctrine or beliefs? The Divine leaks into our life all over the place. Church is not the only place to find that, and for some, it is one place that they can NOT find that.

There is nothing challenging about having deep thoughts all by oneself. What is interesting is doing this work in community, where other people might call you on stuff, or heaven forbid, disagree with you. Where life with God gets rich and provocative is when you dig deeply into a tradition that you did not invent all for yourself.

Doing public service and helping the community does not have to be confined to a church. Personal Ministry is played out every time you help a neighbour, love and care for your family, recycle, take care to be kind etc.Where life with God gets rich is wherever it is you allow the Divine into your life. People get called on stuff all the time, one does not have to be in a religious community to be held accountable for their actions and in fact, we read time and time again of people using their religious convictions as a way to NOT be held responsible for their actions.

I am a Minister within the UGC, and I am a Divinaturist (a self-invented religion) . I am spiritual and religious. I am not Christian. I am not a mainstream anything. Sorry, I couldn't fit into the boxes. We are all created in the image of God though, and I guess God is pretty multi-faceted. Christian, Buddhist, Islamic, Wiccan, Jewish etc. Every single person has their own idea of God, even people within a particular religion, as a result, we tend to create God in OUR image. God is not a person. God is not a bearded man in the sky. God does not care about particulars. God is not judging.

God is a direct, personal experience. An Experience.

As someone wisely said in one thread of discussions regarding this post: "So this is someone who isn't the least bit interested in my spiritual journey…nor am I interested in convincing her I am not self-centered. I have better things to do with my time and energy."

You said it, my nameless friend on Diaspora! However, I had nothing better to do with my time and energy tonight, :) So I thought I would post this here. I would have posted my long rant directly on the site itself, where this article is located, but I couldn't seem to find a commenting area.

/rant

p.s. I apologize in advance, there is no spell-check on Posterous it seems, but then again, I'm one of those 'geniuses' that communes with the Divine on windy hillsides, so... you know... lower your expectations ;)

Using Markdown in Diaspora

2011-08-31T17:22:00.001-07:00

Markdown is a simple way to spiff up your text. It's great to use at Diaspora for adding photos you find online, linking sites or just to be irritating by posting big words. Here is a simple list, followed by a screen shot of how it should look, in the order given.

I will add, that currently, if you don't want markdown to appear accidentally in your statuses, simply use ``` on the line before your post and again, ``` at the end of your post. This little symbol is to the left hand side of your 1 on your keyboard, under that little squiggly line.

to post a link use [link name](linkurl) to post an image, use ![image name](url of image) - be sure to include the exclamation mark to use italics, use *yourtext* to use bold, use **yourtext** to use bold AND italics, use ***yourtext*** to post big headings, use ## your text or # your text- leave space between # and your text. Not neccesary to repeat the # sign on the right side of your text.

Mundane (with a wee bit of mystical)

2011-08-30T11:21:00.001-07:00

I've decided to start keeping track of what I'm eating, as my esophagus, acidic stomach issues have been getting a bit worse. I've never really had heart burn. I get that weird gurgly acidic feeling in my upper stomach. Often it feels as though I'm hungry, and recently I have been having a more difficult time swallowing food.

So, before I start eliminating things, I'm going to take a look at what I'm eating. The amount I eat isn't usually too bad, but I will make a mental note to keep meals smaller.

Last night, bad stomach acid. Not a huge surprise, I had a salad at about 6:00 with grated cheese and a balsamic vinegar dressing. Bagged salad with grated carrot and purple cabbage. Not a lot. I also had coffee.

Woke up this morning feeling not too bad. Did not notice the acidity until I had a cup of weak tea. It had cream but no sugar or sweetner.

Went for a 3.4km walk, pushing the stroller with the two kids in it. Brisk walk. Came home feeling hungry, I hadn't eaten yet. Made two peices of whole wheat toast with sliced cheddar. Increased stomach acidity, so I am now drinking a plantain tea.

I try to keep in mind my carbohydrate intake because I react to sugars quite poorly. Almost immediately after eating anything high in carbohydrates, including fruit, whole wheat pastas/grains, potatotes etc. I am soooo tired that I feel as though I am on drugs. Seems to be an effect of the increased insulin that is released when I eat carbs. So ,often the foods I eat that are carb friendly, are not exactly gut friendly for me.

In happier news, today is a beautiful day. Slightly gray, nice breeze, the air feels clean. Autumn is slowly leaking into summer. I'm so glad. I am not a summer girl.There is a sense of magic as Autumn unfolds herself. When I go on our walk, I can almost feel a separation of the layers. I can blot out the chaotic energy of humankind and instead heighten my awareness of the natural perfect energy of the non-man made. In doing so, there is a sense of an ancient, enormous presence.

It's a drag that my physical issues have been making it harder to enjoy all this lately. Mainly because I find that the exercise does not really help the physical discomfort. However, the walk does indeed help me reconnect to that deeper part of me that is not limited by my silly body mis-functions ;)

Must get into the proper headspace to write up a ritual for Saturday evening. The basics are done of course, because that part does not change much. It is more the central part, that which is relating to High Autumn, the Equinox. So... that's my task for today :)

Driving Past America

2011-08-28T18:42:00.001-07:00

We went on a drive through the rural, mountainous region near our home. Drove along the Columbia Valley road. We found ourselves driving along with the Us to our side. I didn't realize hiw close we are to the states. Cascade mountain region. This is a pic of America. A foot and a half away from me. ;)

Party in the Park

2011-08-27T23:35:00.001-07:00

Well, it was too hot for me, and for the little ones, so we didn't stay long. Seems like everyone in this town was there. Eek. I'm mildly (severely) claustrophobic when being touched, pushed and squished by large crowds of very warm people... blech.

Anyhow, the cars that were there as part of the car show were gorgeous though. A BEAUTIFUL 1967 Toronado! Oh my. Orange and shiny and just plain lovely.

See the full gallery on Posterous

Listening to Tea Party and colouring.

2011-08-26T09:55:00.001-07:00

Bye Bye Google!

2011-08-25T13:14:00.001-07:00

Well, I've been pulling out of google services to the best of my ability. Been feeling strangled by google lately, and I'm just not cool with that. I like freedom to have different email addresses for different services, not being obligated to HAVE to have a google account linking me all over the place. I'm not cool with the ethics either. Enough has been said re: #nymwars elsewhere, it doesn't need to be re-said here. However I realized just how intertwined I had allowed myself to become in a monopoly, and that has pushed me out of my comfort zone. So, photos coming out of Picasa and into photobucket/flickr. Documents will be shared on ZumoDrive, blogging will be via Posterous at Wordpress & Tumblr (check those Terms of Service), I don't really use Gmail anyhow... and duckduckgo.com for a browser.

Find me back at Facebook http://www.facebook.com/birchwind ... I HATE facebook, but the groups I participate are there, my business page is there.

Google+ does not offer anything that Facebook doesn't, (except that I was not inundated with game invites and virus-type messages YET) , nor does it offer anything that Twitter/yFrog or Subjot don't already do quite well. So, really, I have no need for G+ and am deleting this service. I WILL however be at Diaspora, because they were the guys with the vision, one that they made open source, and that Google CLEARLY ran with. Makes a difference when you have billions of dollars. You can take the dreams of the little guy and accomplish in a few blinks, what they have been trying to do for a while. However, they have an advantage. Diaspora will not delete us because of names. Diaspora will not inundate us with ads, make us sign away our rights to content and is decentralized.

I'm Birch Wind Moonrise at Diaspora. (Moonrise Azalee if you are a Second Lifer)
Remember that you can use any pod (pods are different hosted Diaspora systems). A full list of pods, their uptime, length of existence etc can be found here: http://podupti.me/ . I have found poddery.com to be a great pod. Same with Diasp.org. Either way, choose one from the list, or if you have your own server and are tech savvy, install it yourself. https://github.com/diaspora/diaspora/wiki/Installing-and-Running-Diaspora .

See you around!

Ech.

2011-08-24T11:55:00.001-07:00

Yeah, that's about it. I feel like crap. No idea why. Started with a kinked neck a week ago. Nothing new there however, as I've had neck pain off and on, just like the majority of the population.
I think it's been made worse by the fact that I prop myself up when I sleep. I started doing this a few months ago when I had a bad laryngospasm brought on by what I think was an aspiration on stomache fluid in my sleep. I had gone to bed with a bit of reflux-ish heartburn sort of thing... not uncommon, but never particularly bothersome. I eat alot of salad and always make a vinegar/garlic dressing and sometimes I eat this late, so often I'm a wee bit burpy before bed. Well, this night, I woke up about 3 or 4 am... coughing up a bit of fluid that tasted like bile, suddenly, my throat closed up and I could not draw in breath. Have you ever heard someone with stridor? Let me tell you, being the one having a fit like that and hearing the horrible sound I was making while trying to draw in breath was terrifying. It lasted like what seemed forever, and just as I was about to accept the fact that I was going to die, my throat began to open back up and I caught my breath. My throat burned like stomache acid, I felt it in my nose. I was exhausted and promptly fell asleep.
I woke up the next day feeling similar to what someone who has drowned felt like. Coughing up fluid all day, chest aching when I tried to breath. Shoulder muscles hurting. So, so tired.
So, now I don't eat before bed, and I sleep propped up slightly.
K, back to the present... I don't sleep well because in the back of my mind, I feel like I'm going to die in my sleep lol. Also, I have a problem with really dry eyes and as I nod off to sleep, and my eyes roll, I immediately snap awake, because often I wake up during the night with horrible eye pain, like my cornea is being torn off. Many months ago, my yougest son poked me in the eye while I was rocking him to sleep. My eye was toast for about two days. Apparently there was a small tear in it, and when my eyes get dry, or when the lid ridge flicks over the cornea (when the eyes move during sleep) it HURTS like HELL.... however, my left eye does it somewhat also, and I don't recall having any damage in it.
So, I sleep shitty. Yesterday I awoke feeling like I did that night I aspirated, except that I wasn't coughing up anything. Extreme pain in my chest, right shoulder, upper neck, right breast. Headache, hot breath, no fever. Achey, and very close to tears all day. Felt like a bad flu coming on, but no fever. Weak, dizzy, and this headache that I've had for about a week or so that comes and goes.
Now today, my breath isn't hot, and the chest pain has weakened but I still feel like crap. And jittery, and just... odd. I feel like I am having a non-stop panic attack, and maybe now I am. Shortness in my breath triggers panic attacks in me, though I haven't had panic attacks in YEARS... so maybe I'm just worried about feeling sick, which is making me feel anxious, which is bringing on a panic attack, which is making me feel sick which is.... got it? Vicous cycle. Today an upset stomache too, which is indicative of panic attacks...
I just want to feel better. My two litttle guys need me, and I'm mentally just so confused, irritated and sad right now it's not good. So, doctor appt ten days from now, but im going to go to the clinic tonight to at least have them listen to my heart and chest... knowing if my bloodpressure etc is okay will probably at least lesson THAT fear which might in turn alleviate any anxiety symptoms I'm having. Sometimes I think that (and this might sound stupid) that I'm having some post-traumatic stress issues from that night I aspirated. I am WAY overly sensitive. Truly... and maybe even though it wouldnt have bothered anyone else, I'm just a freak and over reacting to it.
So, thought I'd post this, thinking that maybe if I wrote it all out publicly, it would make me feel better, and maybe even a bit silly. (and anyone with a panic attack knows that if you can laugh at yourself while having a panic attack, it can almost totally stop a panic attack from progressing :) )

This time, I wrote it all down...

2011-08-21T22:21:00.001-07:00

I finally determined which was which in my last batch of infused oils. One was equal parts plantain and calendula, with a half oz (volume) of goldenseal and myrrh. The other salve was a general all purpose, not for selling however as it was an extra strong version of the Diaper Salve, it's not listed on my website, I just wanted something for home use.

So, the trick was to search dilligently through the cheesecloth and try to find the goldenseal, because I had only put it in the one salve and not the other. I found the goldenseal, it sticks out rather easily, as it is hard and round, a golden root. Though the colour is no longer golden of course because it has been steeped in olive oil with numerous other herbs for 6 weeks. I heated it all up, added the beeswax, and now it is sitting happily in tins, waiting for labels.

Tonight I made a few more salves and this time each has all the ing listed on each jar.

One jar of Comfrey and St.John's Wort for bruises, sprains etc. not for open wounds, because comfrey can heal the skin amazingly quickly, trapping bacteria inside if it hasn't been cleaned out properly. We know that here and make sure wounds are cleaned and dry (which they always should be anyhow) before applying. I don't have the same assurance elsewhere, so I don't promote it as being for open wounds...actually, I don't technically promote the healing values of any salves in my advertisement because it's illegal to do so. Kind of a bummer... I list the ingredients, and on the site provide a clickable link on the ingredients so that the person can learn more, but I can't directly say anything 'healing' about it.

One jar of Diaper Salve, because I only have three left, and one jar of something new. I know a few people who suffer from cold sores, and I know that studies done and published online at legit government/medical sites have discussed the merit of Lemon Balm ointment for cold sores. So, I thought HEY, why not? Lemon balm, some sage, which also apparently an antiseptic virus killer (I say apparently because I have not personally spoken to any scientist who says this is so) and of course it is in a calendula base. When it's steeped for 6 weeks I'll add some lavender and peppermint essential oil.

Here's one of the links I was reading that mentions the lemonbalm and peppermint oil. http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/herpes-simplex-000079.htm

I also have a jar of sage, hyssop and patchouli oil that I'll be turning into salve tonight or tomorrow, to use during meditation or ritual, and last but not least, a jar of lavendar and lemon balm oil to use as a pre-bedtime salve for relaxation.

That's all for now!

See the full gallery on Posterous

Decent Article re: Diaspora

2011-08-21T08:51:00.001-07:00

http://cityofnidus.blogspot.com/2011/07/diaspora.html

Remember Diaspora?

2011-08-18T11:39:00.001-07:00

Yes, it IS up and running. Unless you've been following the blog, and/or checking their github link from their main page, it's very possible you've missed this information. Especially with the big news of Googles answer to a social networking system , Google+ being released.
One thing that needs to be remembered is that the official site of joindiaspora.com was not intended to be THE main Diaspora site. In fact, there IS no main Diaspora site. This is because Diaspora is decentralized. You can run it on your own server, or join one of the many pods already up and running. Some of the most popular community run Diaspora pods are listed here: http://podupti.me/ and http://podup.sargodarya.de/ . I use diasp.org, but all of the pods are interconnected and you can communicate back and forth regardless of which pod you use.
Why is this still relevant, now that Facebook already has its new rival Google+?
Well, at Diaspora, we are people and not ad targets.
We can use whatever name we want.
We aren't agreeing to give our information, pictures, etc away.
They were a bit slow getting out of the gate, and it has been slower to catch on BECAUSE they are not owned and run by a big corporation. If one registers at any of the pods (the joindiaspora.com pod is still only giving out invites, but all other pods are open registration), one can quickly see where Google+ got their ideas from. Diaspora has groups called 'Aspects' and although it isn't as fancy and animated as Google+'s dropping into a 'circle' experience, it is actually more user friendly. You view Streams, you pick and choose which aspects you are going to post to... you get the idea.

There is another social network out there which, from the start, emphasized the classification of your connections into different groups, each with their own realm of discussion. Just as Google+, without any need for users to beg and protest, makes it easy to download everything from your circles to your profile and stream data through its “data liberation” panel, this other social network lets you download your photos and other data (xml).
Unlike both Google+ and Facebook, however, this competitor lets you not only restrict status updates or photographs to a limited number of “aspects” (like “circles” or “friend lists”) but also, with a simple click, easily share your postings beyond the platform through your linked accounts on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr. Also unlike either Google+ and Facebook, this project is 100% free range Omega-3 open source; mostly written by a couple of guys (with at least some help from over a hundred total contributors) who raised a good chunk of money through their fundraising effort at Kickstarter last summer. That project is Diaspora*.

Read the full article here: http://chronicle.com/blogs/profhacker/remembering-diaspora-the-open-source-so...
Personally, I would love to see Diaspora flourish. It is the direction these sorts of platforms need to go. Open source, able to be independently run, able to interconnect. The biggest reason is because it puts it in the hands of the people, and not just the corporations.
Right now they do not have individual albums, but there is a photo service called cubbi.es that you can use to shift/click on any image online and add to an album that syncs with Diaspora. There is also the basic Share of multiple photos, but no actual separate albums. However I simply have a link to flickr right on my main front profile page, as well as a link to my business page and other places I frequent. Technically, you could put a link on your profile for individual albums that you have on other sites, Summer 2011 on Photobucket, or your Southern Gulf Islands set on Flickr. Also, I sampled uploading a bunch of my favourite pics at once into a status update, and it went quite nicely. The display is beautiful. If you click on my profile pic (and you are a friend/aspect etc) then you can see the photos archived.
A few nice features right out of the box is seamless posting to tumblr, twitter and facebook. Nothing to install. You just authorize the various sites by clicking on a button, and DONE.
They are working on integrating a chat service with Diaspora as well, this is apparently coming up quite soon, within the week. They are also working on an android app for Diaspora.
Soo, nope, it hasn't disappeared! Register at any of the pods in the links above, and stop by and Vist Me at Diaspora!

The Weeds I love

2011-08-16T16:26:00.001-07:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

It's amazing really, to look around the yard and see all the things that insist on growing there. Many of these things are considered irritating weeds by the dilligent yard warden.
When coming across these varieties of greenery in the yard, I always feel amazed at how lucky we are to have such awesomeness forcing it's way into our little manicured parcels.
In today's world, we are greatly dependant on the stores to supply us our daily sustenance. There is also a great reliance on the drug stores for our medications.Now, I am not going to get into a big argument about pharmaceuticals here. They have their place, and many of those things originated from a natural growing source at one point . Think of foxglove, "The entire plant is toxic (including the roots and seeds), although the leaves of the upper stem are particularly potent, with just a nibble, being enough to potentially cause death." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digitalis . The extract Digitalis Purpurea from this plant has gone on to do wonders in congestive heart failure and is widely appreciated in the medical world. There are less dangerous and more commonly helpful plants that grow amongst the posh and showy garden decor.
In my yard there are a few that grow happily all on their own; Plantain, Self-Heal, Lambsquarters, Quackgrass, Great Burdock, and varied Docks. These are all able to be eaten.
Quackgrass is similar to any other grains, and in fact it is one of the biggest pains-in-the-butt for farmers. The roasted root can be used as a coffee substitute, a cereal mash can be made from the seed, and the young shoots and leaves can be eaten raw in salads. They do become more fibrous upon age, so leaves and shoots should be eaten when the plant is young.
Lambsquarters leaves are lovely when steamed like spinach. They are also edible raw, though they contain oxalic acid and saponins, so cooking is a safer way to eat the leaves, or eat in smaller quantities if raw. The seeds can be cooked into a mash quite easily. Cooking the seeds, or rinsing and soaking them overnight is a good way to reduce the saponins. I've enjoyed this plant a lot this summer.
Plantain is one of my favourites for making salves. I also often will pick a peice and bruise/crush it for immediate application on mosquito bites when we are outside. Plantain is a pretty amazing plant and is my favourite. I do not enjoy eating it as much, but this is possibly due to the fact that I don't pick it soon enough and end up eating it when it is too mature. At that point it is a bit bitter for my liking, but steamed with other leaves and/or veggies balances it out. I drink plantain tea also. As a tea, for external use, it is extremely safe and helps all sorts of ailments. Studies done for it's effect on high blood pressure and high blood sugar are very promising. It is also sooths coughs, bleeding gums and a myriad of other things. Iuse it in salves (as mentioned) and really, just adore this plant. It's wonderf that a plant with so many proven benefits makes itself so at home in the most unlikely places. Near sidewalks and exterior walls, along walking trails and in unhappy looking soil, plantain is a hardy plant. Not surprising really, given the strong fibres that run through the leaves. If you pull a leaf off to use, the 'strings' extrude, and giving a tug on these, one can understand why they were used for sewing and binding things together.
The Burdock (and various docks) have varied uses. There is some evidence that they are good externally for skin problems, but they are quite edible as well. I normally steam them along with the plantain and lambsquarters and have them all together. I hack off the burs of the Burdock before they grow because they attach themselves quite happily to passing children and animals...both which are always poking about in that part of my yard in which the burdock grows most abundantly. The taproot can be cooked as a root vegetable and is still popular in Asia.
The other Docks; yellow, curled etc. are edible as well. Their leaves should be washed in a few changes of water to remove the oxalic acid, or if eaten raw, do so in small amounts.
Self-heal is a cute little plant that reminds me of clover. The little purple flowers on it never bloom all at once, so if you're waiting on it to fully bloom before eating, it won't happen, :) Just pick it and toss it in a salad with some raspberry wine vinegar. yum!
I also have a few other things that are growing. Comfrey (much discussion regarding ingesting it. I will leave that up to the reader to decide) is a fantastic plant with many uses. Until recently it was quite accepted to use internally as well, but it is no longer recommended due to the possibility of liver damage. Though quite a bit of the plant would have to be consumed, and the greatest amount of the toxic alkaloid is found in the roots. Comfrey has amazed me with it's ability to diminish a bruise, and inflamed skin due to bites etc. Because it can heal so quickly, it is not recommended to use on open wounds because it can close the outside of the injury up while bacteria still remains inside. There are so many benefits to Comfrey , I was positively tickled when a friend of mine brought comfrey over for my garden. I had had no luck sowing it from seeds, but now I have three, huge bushy plants growing! :)
I would love to have some Mullein, but none is growing close by. I have some hyssop, some Valerian, and a WHOLE BUCH of Lemon Balm.
My dream is to be able to allow the Natura Mater the ability to landscape my yard for me. Let things grow in my yard that LIKE to grow in my yard. Rather than altering the environment to suit the trendy garden ideal, I want to alter my previous choices of greenery to adapt to the environment at hand.
If we would allow things to grow in our yards that are MEANT to grow there, there would be a lot more 'food and medicine' available to us on a personal level. Communicating with our greenspace, finding out what does best there. There are so many things that grow happily and they get yanked out as weeds... meanwhile these things will be our absolute best allies if disaster stikes our economy.
Ok.. enough typing for now. I have to get into the kitchen and make some dinner!

Our Trip to Galiano

2011-08-07T18:13:00.001-07:00

Well, it was a lovely trip.

We left on Saturday morning, bright and early to catch the 8:40am ferry.

We arrived in Galiano by about 10am.

Once on the ferry, we sat outside, the best place to sit in my opinion.

The boys examined belly buttons for some reason, lol.

Early morning sails are the best. Rising sun in the east, sparkling on the water. Very nice.

The first day we just lounged about, explored round the property a bit. The kids LOVED the big deck and the great outdoors. We had beer in the evening and watched some DVDs.

The next day we went to Morning Beach for a few hours. Not only was the beach easily accessible through a beautiful trail, but it was wonderfully sandy and a great place to lounge. My only complaint is with whomever resides in the cabin right along the beach to the left of the stairwell when one emerges from the trees. They had numerous dogs, and one particularly irritating Jack Russel terrier that barked at everyone, took other dog's sticks and balls when they were thrown and was just generally a bossy, ill-mannered dog. The owner was on the property, within ear shot of it all, and not once came out to do anything. At once point, there were 4 or 5 dogs, all seemingly from the same dwelling, barking, peeing and crapping on the beach. NOT COOL.

Anyhow, for the most part, the dogs harassed only other dog owners and left us alone, so we were free to just enjoy the beauty. Arbutus and Garry Oak, cleavers and mullein, everything is really just too beautiful.

After resting up at the house for awhile, we headed back out. This time over to a beach near Bellhouse. A cool overgrown (very) path was easy to manouver down to the beach. The tide was coming in though, so we went over to Bellhouse look-out area. Light golden coloured grass, long and blowing in the wind, smooth stone and old trees. Very nice views.

The next day we ventured to Dionisio. Our intent was to get a campsite there. We knew it would be an adventure of the physical sort because its a rather long walk in if you have small children, especially if you have a large tent and camping gear to carry. Needless to say, it was a failed attempt, and even though we managed to obtain a nice site, we realized that the effort of taking it all in, as well as having to take it all back out again the next morning, was just not to be. So we spent a bit of time at the beach there, then walked back through the trail. Ferns, moss covered grounds, tall trees and silence. Description for Galiano woodlands? Majestic silence.

Tuesday I woke up feeling crabby. I think there was a sense of disappointment in not being able to follow through with our camping plans. I had a nap, and that helped. The boys slept great sharing a room, but they were awake before 7 and even as early as 6, and THAT is something I'm not used to. Being up until 2am made that early morning start even harder. We went to Montague later that day, and it was quite nice. Many little pools with tiny crabs, smooth sandstone, pebbled with barnacles, an amazing grassy marshy area on the other side of the trail that ran along the beach. We checked out camp sites there for next time we go. We will reserve WAY in advance, as it's a gorgeous area. I was able to get quite a few great shots of many things, and used my retro camera app for Droid a lot. Something about retro pics of long blowing grass and almost-white toppled wood and stumps that really touches me.

Wednesday we went to Pender Island for a few hours and it was quite nice. A different feel from Galiano. On Galiano, its like a long winding road through a tall treed magical abode. One just keeps driving and driving , a canopy of ancient trees causing dappled blasts of sun to fall on you. When you exit into the area with the few stores, I feel like a forest creature coming out of a thicket. Pender is quite a bit more open, mostly due to the rounded shape of it (them actually - Pender is two islands, connected by a single lane bridge) it has forests also, but rolling hills and farmland and twice the population - Pender Islands have 2500 app and Galiano 1100 - We could not stay long, but in the few hours we stayed there spoke with a few people, including a real estate agent and got a really great feel from the people.

Last day there, we went to Morning Beach again after being sure to leave the cabin even cleaner than it was when we arrived. All in all it was fantastic. The silence is amazing.

When the ravens fly overhead, the sound of their wings beating the air is loud. whoop, whoop, whoop... sounds like what I imagine baby pteradactyls sounded like, back in the age unravaged by humans.

Sitting on the deck at night, it was so silent that my ears rang. From time to time you would hear leaves falling from the insanely tall trees, and maybe deer or other creatures wandering through the woods. No predatory animals on the Islands, so there is a HUGE number of deer, one must drive very slow and very carefully to avoid hitting Bambi. It was great for the kids to be out in such a naturally beautiful place every day.

One day, we really hope to get our dream home (yurt) and move to the Gulf Islands with the kids.

That's all for now!

Please consider

2011-08-06T09:15:00.001-07:00

Our group has set up a Donate page via the Humanitarian Coalition at:

https://www.helpforcharities.com/humanitarian/group/profile.php?profile_id=775594941311977501

They are completely on the up and up, and well respected.

The goal is to raise 100.00 for Drought Relief Aid (if we can raise more, even better!)

Taken from The Montreal Gazette:

The Horn of Africa needs the world's help. The international community cannot stand by while millions of people die of starvation. In Canada, the federal government has pledged to match charitable donations from Canadians to Canadian agencies providing aid to drought and famine relief in the region. The federal government has also committed $50 million in emergency aid.

The immediate suffering of starving people is the first order of business. Donors can't let the prospect of militias' profiteering from aid to stop them. It is hard to see what other option there is than to try to get as much food in as possible.

© Copyright (c) The Montreal Gazette

Read more: http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/hard+task+providing+Horn+Africa/5215155/story.html#ixzz1UGXYHP9G

You can look anywhere online and read about the nightmare going on. Although terrorist groups are killing people who are trying to offer help and not allowing people to leave the area, many are escaping and fleeing to hospitals where they REALLY need help.

Please help.

Sincerely,

Shilo

A malnourished child from southern Somalia sits on his fathers lap at a camp in Mogadishu, Somalia, Wednesday, Aug 3, 2011. (AP / Farah Abdi Warsameh)

Taken from http://toronto.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20110803/africa-drought-relief-conference-famine-110803/20110803/?hub=TorontoNewHome

Untitled

2011-07-31T11:01:00.001-07:00

Missing Meow

2011-07-27T16:20:00.001-07:00

We went for our three km walk today, like almost every day. Demetrio brought little Meow with him. Like almost everyday. But today we lost him. I wasn't entirely sure if we had brought him. Maybe he was at home? So we got in, I looked. No Meow. Back out the door with the double stroller and 65 pounds of children to do the walk again. We made it halfway round our loop and there he was. Sitting on the curb and waiting. Yay!!! Now I am exhausted. 6km pushing a heavy double stroller FAST is a workout!

Calendula

2011-07-24T20:37:00.001-07:00

Untitled

2011-07-24T20:34:00.001-07:00

Train Tracks

2011-07-22T20:56:00.001-07:00

Taken with retro cam

The World Wide Web

2011-07-15T23:47:00.001-07:00

I confuse myself...

I have noticed that recently, when I post on posterous, it's tweeting twice, and going to wordpress twice... but I don't think it's my autopost, because tumblr, xanga and blogger are only appearing once (except for sometimes when my phone app freezes and I resend the post), so what the heck? I must have something set somewhere that is doubling it back... hm. I think tumblr MIGHT be tweeting, which in turn goes to facebook... but how is it posting twice on Wordpress?

Oh well, ANYhow.... Ive been super good lately at cutting back my comp time. It's only been two days, but so far so good.

Our room is in the rec room downstairs, our two youngest ones are in rooms down there also, so I simply bring my laptop down with me at night when I go to bed, and I don't bring it back up until the little ones are in bed. So, I'm not on the comp at ALL all day until about 10:30pm. Amazing how nice it feels actually. What an addiction, lol. Mind you, I've always had an addictive personality.

I still have phone apps that allow me to upload pics right from the phone, and so sometimes when out and about, I see something cool, and I upload it to Posterous (which of course, posts it across all the platforms I use) but that's about it. Yay!!!

Matthew Good is coming here, tickets went on sale today. I am REALLY hoping to go, but right now have no money for a ticket. This is the coolest show to hit Chilliwack, (minus the Tea Party, when they came to the university a few years ago) and I've been a Matthew Good fan for a LONG time. SOOOO hoping to be able to go!!!

Got a haircut today with my daughter. She's such a great kid to go anywhere with. She's always been really awesome. Never demanding, never mouthing me off or getting into trouble, NOT like me when I was her age... heck, actually by the time I was her age, 18, I wasn't too bad, but growing up I was awful until I left home at 16 and struggled with the mess I'd made of my life.

I love my kids. Even though my 16 year old son drives me crazy sometimes, I love him always. Every day. And even though he's at his dads, I think about him all the time. It's nice with him being there, because we get along great when we aren't face to face. Something about 'in person' we seem to trigger all the worst aspects of each other. We both know it, we both talk about it, and we both question it, and we both tell each other we love each other... I hope we figure it out one day.

My oldest son is totally self sufficient. Sure, he lives here with us, and is 22, but he pays for all his own food, his own cell, internet etc. He pays me a bit from each paycheque. Just a small amount, because he only makes a small amount, but I appreciate that he gives back.

Hubby and the two youngest and I are heading off to one of the southern gulf islands in about two weeks. I love going there, because you feel like youre in a different world, even though its only a 1.5 hour car ride and >1hr ferry ride away. The little islands between Vancouver and Victoria are awesome. If we could ever afford living there (meaning we would have to be financially independant because there is NO work there... mostly artists/writers etc) then we would move in a heartbeat.

Alright... Ive got about an hour left of computer time, and I am off to the world of Second Life!

Hair cut

2011-07-15T19:14:00.001-07:00

Oh Dear!

2011-07-14T17:34:00.001-07:00

A Deer! Just running about.. along the road. No idea where it came from. It looked rather confused though. Poor thing.

Dark Night of the Soul

2011-07-14T01:49:00.001-07:00

Well, maybe that's a bit pompous of me to compare my spiritual crisis to such a lovely peice of work. However, lately I've been feeling rather alone. Not 'people' alone... in fact I've been feeling more anti-social than ever... but spiritually alone. The incessant buzzing in my mind of stress and worry and irritation at every little thing has silenced the presence of the One.

MotherFather has not felt close to me lately.

I have gone for my walks, and tried to open my heart and mind, but I find so much bitterness and anger inside. Not for any particular reason. It's a vicious circle.

I start getting caught up in the system of the world, and start forgetting to pay attention to the threads that strum and sing within it. Soon, I lose myself in my day to day conflicts and my own prolific internet superhighway travels and wander far from the Voice.

I forget.

The more I forget, the more lost I am, until one day, I realize that the little flame within me is no longer burning brightly. It's just barely flickering. Enough light only to stir the shadows, not enough to weaken them until they become the gentle shadows that we welcome on a bright day.

So, as an effort to bring life back to that little spark, I realize I have to make room, and re-open the dialogue between myself and the One. The MotherFather.

Leaving the laptop closed until just before bed is a great way to start.

Remembering to listen, underneath the noise,

To feel, underneath the senses,

And to take time to love my Self.

Ignoring Self is the easiest way to allow it to become lost. Unattended. Unloved.

The world offers so many amazing things. It's easy to get scooped up in it all. Sometimes it's good to just sit back and breathe.

Calendula 2

2011-07-13T15:54:00.001-07:00

Yes, I'm in love with my calendula. It will make beautiful salve

Calendula Gold

2011-07-13T15:46:00.001-07:00

Calendula and plantain

2011-07-12T22:46:00.001-07:00

Quince

2011-07-11T20:52:00.001-07:00

Brothers

2011-06-22T12:44:00.001-07:00

First day of summer

2011-06-22T12:41:00.001-07:00

Well, to me summer begins at Beltaine. In May. I judge it more on hours of daylight. Hitting their peak yesterday, the hours now quietly grow shorter. In places that get very hot in the summer, this is much appreciated. :)
So, first full day of High Summer. For the second day in a row we have summer like weather. The Sun King was more gentle than ever in our neck of the woods this year, but it seems like the season is now progressing normally again.
I'm outside watching the boys play. It's just about 12:30. Sky is mostly clear. There are some birds nesting in some birdhouses on the support beams of patio, so as I sit here, they fly back and forth, bringing food to the new baby swallows.
Demetrio is wearing shorts, and spiderman boots. When you're two and a half, those favourite boots are pretty important. Dante, almost four, is a bit more practical and is content with his sandals.
Demetrio has hit a milestone. He has decided he doesn't want to be rocked to sleep in the chair anymore. This was the one who never slept at night until one and a half, and who even then required long periods of rocking, singing and having his hand held and stroked. Not anymore.
"Na night mama. Mwuah mwuah mwuah. I LUUUB you" he says, imitating the night time ritual including kiss sounds that we have with big brother Dante.
Makes me sad a bit. And very proud of him.
With my oldest three, the parenting techniques at the time were so much more strict. Putting themself to sleep by one. Out of diapers at two. Reading novels by three. ;) This time round I've tried to go with the flow. And it all seems to be working well.
My sixteen year old is still at his dads. He's been gone a month now. I miss him, but he is doing well. At his dads he has to work a lot and I think it gives him a sense of value and accomplishment. Here I couldn't even get him to cut the grass. He'd simply say, "no" and then promptly tell me to fuck off. Then we would fight. There's no fighting with his dad because he's scared of him. So, he just works for him, and his grandpa, and he's feeling pretty good about himself. He might never move back here. But it might be best for everyone. I don't know.
My twentytwo year old and I went for a walk to walmart last night. Sure are a lot of creeps out at ten pm on the strip going to walmart. My twentytwo year old works there tho, so he likes to shop there using his discount. Hes a funny kid that one. He has such a dry sarcasm, we have some great good natured banters.
My only girl, who's 18, just passed the one year mark with her guy. He's a nice kid, he's good to her. And very down to earth. My daughter wants to pursue a career as a clinical counsellor. She has some schooling to finish up, but she's been really applying herself to school more this year and seriously been thinking about her future.
Well, its hot. Time to get these monkeys in for lunch.

Father Sun. Hail the King.

2011-06-21T12:40:00.001-07:00

He had been growing in strength gently and with patience. Stretching the days long, so that Brother Robin had only a short rest between singing his farewell at nightfall and emerging from his nest again in the morn to sing us into wakefulness.
His gentle warmth had brought the quince flowers to fulness, and with care brought the blossoms to their death so that the fruit could grow.
The Earth Mother loved his companionship, but it was now time for the cycle to complete. It was time for self sacrifice. Such had been the way since time eternal.
She kissed him then. They danced one final dance.
Then, he removed his crown. He removed his robes.
Freed from the protective restraints of his garments, he exploded into an abundance of light.
He grew brighter and hotter, even as the days grew shorter.
The intense heat from his rupture caused the fruits to ripen and the corn to stand tall.
The Dying Sun King scorched the land with his last breaths, until exhausted, his last bit of essence fell into darkness.
As the Mother collected the seed from the rotting fruits, she drew his remains close to her. She sighed, feeling tired herself, but smiled knowing she would see him again and dance the sacred dance.

Approaching high summer

2011-06-12T22:05:00.001-07:00

But it doesn't feel like it. The days are long however. Its ten pm now and the sky, although dark, still has a tiny hint of light in it. The hint is made even less by the overcast sky.
My sixteen year old son is still not at home. He's at his dads now. Not sure if it is permanent or not.
Ooh, the wind has started up. I'm sitting out back on the balcony. Listening to too many cars whizzing past. There used to be no road back here. Just a few neighbours yards touching, then a green space leading toward the traintracks and beyond. I could sit out here at night and listen to frogs, crickets, nightbirds and sometimes coyotes.
Now its cars. Racing past on this road that spits out onto the highway. A 'super' walmart and a home depot grace the stretch of asphalt also. Thankfully trees block out a good portion of the atrocity. Rather I just see, and hear all the vehicles until they get past the traintracks, then I can no longer see them as the meander round the curve. Can still hear them though.
Every once in awhile all goes quiet. A gap between spurts of traffic. Sacred silence.
Now it is dark. The train is thundering by. I always love the train though. It is a sound that never irritates me.
Sacred silence now. The wind is blowing the poplars. In my yard the fruit trees and lilacs rustle. The overgrown elderberry brushes against the house and the windchimes sing their melodies.

A long, personal ramble

2011-05-30T13:26:00.001-07:00

Life has a way of working out the way it wants to. Regardless of how we think it should go.
The past 16 years of my son's almost 17 years of life have been filled with challenges.
First off, he was born to a 22 year old mother who already had two small children. This mother, (me) was suffering from anxiety, depression and other issues. In fact, most of my life I have had a very difficult time controlling my emotions. Hyper-sensitive to criticism, and to the unknown. I never enjoyed trying new things, or meeting new people. Painfully shy and prone to rage and horrendous crying fits from a very young age, I always felt very out of place.
A lot of that is normal. Kids are weird, let's face it. But I think I was a bit more than just your average 'weird'. Of course, this was in the 70's and we didn't have a big bucket of Labels to choose from with children. I think that added to this was the fact that my mother was only fifteen when she had me. I lived with my maternal grandparents until my grandmother decided that my mom was ready to have me live with her. I'm sure that my mom must have had a fear of asking for help for me, because she might feel as though somehow it was her fault or somehow she wasn't competent. (it was NOT, and she WAS) Although I don't remember how it all transpired, I do know that I was shattered to move out with my mom when my schooling was to start. I did not want to leave my grandma, and the goat farm.
I spent the next few years in what seemed to me like a nightmare. Meeting new kids, attending school - both were absolutely horrible experiences. I wanted to be back in the safety and solitude of my grandparent's home. I just never adjusted. I also remember feeling nothing but hate toward my mother, and mainly indifference to her husband, a wonderful man who ended up adopting me because my biological dad and my mother had parted ways not long after my birth.
I remember being afraid daily of everything. Fires. Drowing. The sounds of cars driving past. I remember lying awake at night and screaming bloody murder because I felt like I was dying. I would hear sounds like marching soldiers, working their way up and down inside my mind. It was the sound of the blood rushing in my ears because I was having what I found out later, was a panic attack. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't swallow. Could only scream.
My temper was about as extreme as my fears. My rages were nothing that I think of as normal if I saw my children expressing them.
I always hated the way I looked. I had major issues with self-image. I daydreamed to the point where fact and fantasty became inseperable at times. I preferred fantasy. That too, of course, is quite normal for many kids - the fact/fantasy thing.
I lied often. I manipulated situations in order to self-preserve, save face, or in order to avoid uncomfortable situations. This can be common in children too. However my anxieties and self-hatred kept me awake at nights.
As a teen, I started drinking, being promiscuous. Continued being verbally assaultive to my family. I broke rules, screamed, had the sort of temper tantrums a 2 year old might have, but at 13, 14 and 15.
I don't know if my self-hatred contributed to my mood instability, or if it was all a package deal. I do know that I involved myself in abusive relationships, and somehow, in my mind, they were romanticized. Something about being the victim. Something inside me wanted to play the victim. Maybe because it would then look like I had a reason for feeling so broken and messed up inside.
I had children, and all that is a very long story with alot of drama. Point being however that I was not healed. I was still broken. And I had kids.
Being with a man that left me for days on end, and berated me, and cheated on me and lied did not do alot to help my self image. By this point, I had realized that I did NOT want to be in a victimized situtation (had in fact learned that with the man I married at 16 who abused me and terrorized me in his drunken rages), and so at 22, I left the relationship with my three young children.
My youngest of those three was only a year old at the time. Whereas my 5 year old was a synical, sarcastic, slightly anxious child, and my 2.5 year old was a darling sweet, concerned sweetheart, my 1 year old was always difficult. Always challenging everything, and always over-reacting to his situation.
I was told in my early 20's that I might be suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder) and it was well understood that I defiinitely had an anxiety disorder. As for BPD, I didn't agree with that at all. He did not describe it well to me, and I thought he was just a quack. I figured he wasn't really listening to me and stopped seeing him.
Counselors, and teachers told me my son was ADHD. I questioned it, even though I went along with treatment for it, because the school would kick him out otherwise. He was however, an anxious child. He was afraid of me walking away from him. He was unable to control his emotions. He acted out constantly, especially when in an uncomfortable environement. He seemed to have issues with self-image.
I didn't make a connection however. I didn't think maybe he and I shared some of the same problems, because whereas I would simply panic, scream and cry when in an uncomfortable situation when young, he would be oppositional in more agressive and angry ways.
So, the years passed and he has had these problems. I still have mine too, but in the past years that I have experienced self love and a sense of spirituality, it has become MUCH better. Sometimes I have to withdraw from people in order to avoid the horrible hurt and pain I feel when they have a differing opinion, and of course, if they are actually being slightly cruel, it is magnified in my mind by 1000%... so I withdraw. I become numb, but I am then able to start putting things into logical perspective and not just react.
I went to a psychiatrist a few months ago because recently, my moods had become rather awful again, where I feel like I live in a constant state of PMS. This seems antagoized by the fact that my 16 year old is always challenging me, often being very verbally abusive and not coming home, and that it seems to trigger the part of me that just really sucks.
I decided to ask for my paperwork last week. I wanted to read this psych's 'diagnosis'. He wrote as an axis ii - borderline/cluster b. I was surprised. I had always thought that the psych I saw almost 20 years ago was just full of crap. In fact, after he told me that meds wouldnt help etc, I decided I hated him and would never see him again. (apparently that sort of 'instant hate' is relatively characteristic of BPD)
I started reading through the lists and sites of what BPD is. I had never really examined it before. Just thought I had some weird from of not yet discovered Bi-Polar disorder that I had nicknamed 'My Broken Filter Syndrome'... I was really shocked to read about BPD and to see how REALLY oddly well it described me.
I know it''s not technically genetic, but whatever it is, seems to be affecting my son also. I had always thought BPD was not genetically passed down. However, it is documented that some people seem genetically pre-dispositioned for it.
Maybe he was born pre-dispostioned. Uncertain of self, idealizing people one minute, hating them the next, lying, twisting and manipulating.... and of course, what he REALLY has always wanted was to feel loved. And secure. But me, with my own issues, I was too busy hating myself and my life to see that he was just as over-sensitive as I had always been. So, maybe it's environmental. Maybe it's genetic. I don't know.
I'm not blaming myself. But I really, really had an eye-opener. Sometimes kids hate themselves. Sometimes they don't know how to express their pain. And sometimes, they are so out of touch with their emotions (because they are so overwhelming), that they do really fucked up stupid things. The more stupid things they do, the more negative attention they get, and the more they hate themselves. When we hurt, we tend to look for things to fill the void. This void gets bigger and bigger with the more crap we put in it.
For whatever reason, some people are born with a lack of self love. Some people are born far too sensitive to their surroundings. Maybe missing a layer... just a bit too raw. Then add in the actual mountains and canyons that life has to throw at you and WOW it can be incredibly difficult to function. At least now in life, along with this 'raw'ness, I am also able to be perceptive to amazing joy and wonder. The overwhelming angst and sadness is at least now often sharing space in me alongside Beauty and Love.
We have spent many years fighting. He has said so many hateful things to me. Especially over the past few years. Last week he had to get kicked out becaues he totally lost control. He routinely mouths me off, tells me he hates me and to 'fuck off'. Then afterwards, he is drained, and sad and empty. So, although this behaviour isn't okay, I wanted him to know that I realize he isn't simply a malicious bad kid.
I told my son that for what it was worth, I DO realize that he needed to be hugged more and held more. I told him this past weekend that I realize now that he has been in a lot of pain. I told him it doesn't mean it's okay to verbally abuse us, or to destroy property, and that I don't have all the answers... but that I just wanted him to know, that I love him now. I have ALWAYS loved him, and that he has always been valuable, and important to me.
I had told him before that I had major anger issues growing up, and that I know he has something that he needs to get help with. In fact, the past numerous years we had been to see people who just wanted to give him ritalin. I always felt that it went a bit deeper. Speed wasn't going to help. Deep seated anger and hurt based on a cycle of cause and effect all his life.
So, this big ramble really is more just for me, wanting to put it out there. ACTUALLY realizing, when I read about the bpd diagnosis that maybe all my life it has been an actual disorder that causes me to feel oversensitive to everything, and then, in turn, it caused me to learn bad habits in order to self-preserve etc.... always trying to figure out who I am. What I am. Am I anything? Going from emptiness to complete anger and sadness... all within a few hours sometimes.
And then looking at my son last weekend, when we went for lunch to discuss his current situation and realizing... OMG, I did NOT love this child the way he needed me to. Telling him that. So that at the VERY least, he will feel loved. And validated. When I brought some paperwork about BDP with me to the lunch for him to read, he said 'you wrote that about me?' and I said 'No, this is from a website.' and he said 'Yeah right... you wrote this about ME mom. This is totally me. ' And i said... 'yes, and you know what? It's me too'. 'You were born sensitive. Over-sensitive in many ways. Over-reacting to perceived slights and hurts that sometimes weren't there, and when those slights and hurts WERE there? Well, to you it seemed 1000x worse than it would to the average person.' ......
He actually understands now that what he is reacting to, is almost guaranteed to be only 1/10th as awful as it seems.
What does this mean? Well, maybe not much to anyone else, but to me, realizing that I have BPD, has helped me to re-evaluate the way I have looked at people, and at situations. Not sure if this IS what is wrong with my almost 17 year old. They don't diagnose with BPD under 18. And it isnt normally medicated, so you know... it's not a big score for the pharmaceutical companies... but at least it helped him to see that there are sometimes reasons why we feel so god-damn broken and not right our whole lives.
There's my ramble :)

Why a New Path?

2011-05-29T11:33:00.001-07:00

Why start a new path? Why form a new 'religion'? Although this is touched on in the specific Divinaturist sites, I thought I would mention it here.
Divinaturism is Earth-Based and Spirit Centered. Some might say it falls under a category of Paganism. Or Monotheism. Or Panentheism. It had enough variations for it to be considered on it's own. Though we consider ourselves a Sister path with many others. (more can be read about this at divinaturism.com or the Divinaturist Fellowship )
Basically, the way it works is that the Divinaturist Fellowship is a Society dedicated to promoting awareness of this religion, and to promoting well-being and peace within oneself and others by practicing the shared beliefs that are given here.
The Society also helps to establish Member Temples, such as Circle of the Eternal Sun. Each Member Temple will be similarily constructed and have the same basic concepts and attributes.
Why was this done?
Well, it seems that there is room in society for a new path. Though 'legalizing' it is not a necessity, it helps because it allows others to know that it is taken seriously, and that it is something that is formed by a group of people on equal ground.
Divinaturism has a place because it is a path that is based on not just the Earth, and not just the Heavens, but rather 'Heaven' on earth, and within us. It is a path that helps us to unite the Inner and the Outer . Father Spirit and Mother Earth. Divinus and Natura. Combined, these two, in their sacred dance, we are closer to being able to connect to our Source, which lies within us.
May 13th, the Society became incorporated. Although it will take time, as anything worth doing does, this is something bound to grow and blossom, like our spirits.
Blessings.

Tree

2011-05-28T23:42:00.001-07:00

Waiting

2011-05-28T14:13:00.001-07:00

Meeting with my son today. Things havent been going well. He can't live here anymore and I'm pretty broken hearted about the situation. Guilt, sadness, guilt, frustration, guilt, anxiety and guilt. The trees make for good companions. They just listen.

Recovering Our True Self

2011-05-25T09:36:00.001-07:00

Recovering our True Self: The Journey Out of Our Negative States

Author: Ted Nottingham

Down through the centuries, spiritual teachers of all traditions have differentiated between our mundane, invented personality so filled with stress, and our true identity characterized by serenity, constancy, and wisdom. They urge us to discover our inner depths and that vaster Self which enables right action in the world. Everyone of us is meant to live with joy and compassionate outreach to the people around us. We are designed to be masters of our selves, capable of overcoming all the difficulties of life. This is our birthright, but in order to experience it, we must recognize how far we are from living in this manner, why this is so, and what efforts we must make to live in such a way. This new awareness and these efforts are the process that leads us out of our negative emotional habits in order to enter into the depths of our spiritual nature.

To recover from our ingrained habits and our subconscious imitations of parents and peers is truly spiritual warfare. It is the narrow way that few want to travel as it requires going against the grain of our own behavior. It is making the hard choices rather than taking the easy way as we always have. This process takes place in the trenches of our most ordinary interactions with the world. Authentic spiritual development takes place in that moment of irritation, that moment of unkindness, that moment of selfishness that we encounter the heat of the battle. This inner battle determines who we are and how we live this life during our brief journey through time.

Here then are some specific methods for recovering from those toxic habits:

The first and most fundamental effort is the objective study of ourselves. Why? Because nothing real can take place until we know what we are dealing with. We cannot take for granted that we know how or why we function the way we do. If you want to operate a computer, you have to learn the software. Human beings are complex software indeed and are rarely user friendly. So try observing yourself from a completely neutral standpoint. Do not judge what you see. Just see it. Observe your reactions, your attitudes, your moods and the many aspects of yourself that take charge from moment to moment. If you do this with sincerity and courage, not justifying every action and passing thought, you will begin to see yourself more objectively and initiate the awareness of the Observing Self who will be the key to your recovery.

This simple effort begins the process of creating a space within you that is not completely hypnotized by external events. Though you still react to external circumstances through ingrained habit, there is now this sliver of your Self that is not pulled out of you. A new space of inner freedom is being created along with a new sense of a deeper identity than the surface personality.

Another critical aspect of this observation is the study of our negative states. You will be amazed at how much of our time is spent under the dominance of these dark moods and thoughts. You will catch yourself grumbling about other people, feeling dejected over this or that event, complaining about the weather, resenting something somebody said. Nothing healthy can grow under the constant downpour of this acid rain within you. Eventually, you will discover that you can free yourself from such unpleasant behavior and states of mind. Step one is to turn off the leaking faucet: stop expressing negative emotions.

This effort is the beginning of separating yourself from them. You don't have to accept living in those dark states. You are not them. They are bad habits acquired over a lifetime. If you want healing and joy in your life, you must stop the momentum of negativity. One of the important things to observe about negative states is how much energy they take away from us. If you are aware of yourself before and after a moment of rage, you will see very clearly how much energy has been lost in that brief moment. We only have so much energy available to us each day, and we can use it to be healed and renewed, or we can squander it thoughtlessly.

So notice your thoughts before they plant themselves in your feelings and eventually manifest in your actions. Anger at a colleague or spouse can be caught before it has caused internal and external damage. In that more rational, detached place before the feeling has caught you by the throat, you can notice why you are angry. What is it in you that is reacting that way? What is it in your colleague that has caused his or her behavior which is so disturbing? Anger can then turn into compassion, or at least into a new insight about yourself or another.

After self-observation and separation from negative states comes the next all-important practice: becoming present to the moment. Experience the moment as it is, for what it is. Becoming present grounds you in reality here and now and takes you out of the tempests of imagination and inner talking that fill the mind with so much noise. Become present not only to your surroundings, but to your body. Relax the tensions that you haven't even noticed before: In the shoulders, in the jaws, in the stomach. Begin to experience the revitalizing peace of being alive in this moment. Those of you familiar with meditation know how helpful it is to regulate one's breathing in order to center oneself. Just breathing in and out slowly to ease the inner tensions is a powerful tool for nourishing your spirit in the moment. Learn to sit quietly for awhile. This is no luxury or idle behavior. We are so wracked with stress and worry that we cannot recover enough to get back in touch with ourselves until we are released from the grip of our anxieties. We rob ourselves of the very joy of living when we let ourselves fall into endless worry and nervous tension. Take time to let go of all that.

This daily effort teaches us to stop or at least to step back from the constant flow of thoughts that creates reality for us. This means that most of our worrying and anxious considerations fall by the wayside and we are able to rise above the clouds of our immediate concerns to the larger picture of our existence as a whole. Sometimes, however, the flood of thoughts refuses to slow no matter what we do. Our nerves are so frayed that we cannot achieve the simple peace of looking out the window and enjoying the view without anything coming to mind. That's when you might employ the stop exercise. In the midst of a thought or daydream, tell yourself to stop and abruptly cut short what is going on in your mind. Then relax your body and look around you, just seeing what is there. Take a vacation from the inner turmoil.

So our daily practice for recovering from a life polluted with negative emotional habits includes: objective observation of our selves, separation from negative states, quieting the mind, and becoming present to the moment. You will notice how these practices begin to take us out of our usual nervous tension and keep us from mindlessly responding to everything around us by turning a portion of our attention inward and by expanding our perspective in the moment. We then become more than our self-centered, habitual mass of reactions.

If you apply these techniques regularly, you will soon find yourself living more frequently in that space of peace, of centeredness, of recovery from being victims of automatic reactions. Then you will find that you become capable of a serenity and acceptance of what is, of a surrender of selfishness that empowers you to help others as well as yourself.

Such a journey of emotional and psychological recovery offers us a new spiritual empowerment which enables us to accept life as it comes, even with all its complications and the capacity to act rightly in any given situation. This developing inner power creates a free human being who is no longer entangled in his or her selfishness and constant stream of fears and desires. Such a person can journey through life in peace, with wisdom and compassion. Such a person makes the world a better place.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/psychology-articles/recovering-our-true-self-the-journey-out-of-our-negative-states-4810558.html

About the Author

Ted Nottingham is the author and translator of a dozen books, the producer of numerous televised programs, and the pastor of Northwood Christian Church in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Sacred Dishes

2011-05-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

Today two items I had been looking forward to receiving arrived in the mail. A Chalice and Paten, from Pottery Rowe . I can't recall the name of the design.. twilight perhaps? The Chalice is much larger than I had imagined and will fit a nice big helping of mead or wine.

Though pottery may not be traditional, I always sort of feel, in Divinaturism, that the Chalice and Paten, are of Natura Mater.... She holds the Divine within her... so to have these sacred dishes made of Earth, that they may hold the spiritually charged libations, just made sense. When I came across these some time ago, they not only 'called' to me, but mentally bonked me on the head and said 'WE want to be on your altar!' ;)

Recap of the Weekend

2011-05-16T23:47:00.001-07:00

It has been a few years since I had last seen a certain group of people whom I used to see quite regularly.

There were about 40 of us this weekend, celebrating a slightly belated Beltaine. The festivities were held at a location most secret... between the realms of time and the lands of the eternal.

Although the rain fell for a good portion of it, the main ritual was almost completely done before we felt the first drops. Even at that, the rain was gentle for the day and did not keep us from the focus of the event.... choosing a May Queen and new Stag King.

After the Women's and Men's Mysteries were done, our communities new representatives of the Goddess and Horned God were chosen and united. It isn't an easy union however.. it is proceeded with one of the most bare-bones raw aspect of the pagan tradition of Beltaine. Without giving away the secrets of the event, I can say that for a period of time, one truly feels the embrace of something ancient, not in the rites itself, which are of course not as based in antiquity as many think, but nontheless there is an old, eternal , earthy spirituality that rises and dances amongst all. Nothing sinister, just something revered. Now it was time to dance the MayPole.

Ribbons round, weaving, in and out, over and under, rythmic and satisfying. Chanting and singing praise to the manifested presences of the Divine.

Laughter, drumming, fire, smiles and just a heck of a lotta love.

As some good friends would say at the Wigglian Way - "It's all about the love"

Dandelion Wine Day 5

2011-05-05T01:29:00.001-07:00

Alright, so on Day 2, April 30th, we dumped all the flowers and water in which they were soaking, into a big pot and started boiling it.

We added about 2.5 cups of sugar and about 1 cup of Wildflower honey from Chilliwack River Honey.

I added zest and juice of 4 oranges and a lemon, as well as about 2oz of fresh Bee Pollen, and 1/4 of REALLY strong black tea.

After about an hour, I dumped it all back into the 5 gallon bucket and waited for it to cool. It got stirred aLOT.

At a temperature of app. 127 F, the hydrometer read at about 1.160 or 20%.

Once the temp got down to a respectable 100F, the pre-prepared L-1118 yeast was added and all was vigorously stirred and sloshed again.

This stodd , covered with a peice of cotton and tied round to keep out fruit flies, for three days.

Today, after a few stumbling blocks (unable to locate an auto-siphon, but found one, a PERFECT size, a mini auto-siphon from La Brewhouse that will fit not only into the 5 gallon carboys but the 1 gallon I am using right now) I got the Dandelion wine/mead hybrid into the one gallon glass jug and fit it with the airlock.

I ended up boiling about two cups of water, and adding to it a few tblsp of sugar, a pinch of pollen and a TINY little bit of nutrient . When it cooled I added it to the gallon jug because I lost alot of liquid which absorbed into the dandelion petals and did not make it into the secondary. I was worried that much of the pollen , which we use as a nutrient, would be left out when transferring because it was really caught up in the fruit and petals which wanted to stay floating on the top, and which were left behind in the primary.

However, it is happily chugging away, so I am hoping that the added water wont throw off the balance of the little yeasty environment.

See the full gallery on Posterous

Dandelion Wine

2011-04-29T16:49:00.001-07:00

Tis the Season!

Well, for wine making anyhow. My two favourite times of year to begin a brew are Beltaine so that it will be drinkable by Samhain and Samhain, so that it will be drinkable by Beltaine.

Luckily for us, our neighbours abandoned their house when the new road went in, so it has sat empty for over a year now and with Spring being here, and the Spring showers as well, their grass, and other foliage, is growing quite abundantly. They have MANY dandelions, so my husband hopped over the fence today and 'borrowed' 2 quarts of dandelions. Actually, he filled half of a Home Depot bucket, but once we removed the greenery we were left with the full 2 quarts called for by the recipe.

Here is the recipe, taken from http://winemaking.jackkeller.net/dandelion.asp

The conversions are as follows. 1 qrt = app. 1 litre (or 4 cups)

We will be popping out tomorrow to grab some bee pollen from the Chilliwack Honey http://www.chilliwackhoney.com/retailers.html . Bee pollen makes a good nutrient. I think also, that even though it ccalls for sugar and not honey, we will be substituting some sugar with a bit of their honey just because it's SO darned good. I'll take some follow up pictures as we progress.

Dandelion Wine

2 qts dandelion flowers

2 lbs 11 ozs granulated sugar

4 oranges

1 gallon water

yeast and nutrient

This is the traditional "Midday Dandelion Wine" of old, named because the flowers must be picked at midday when they are fully open. Pick the flowers and bring into the kitchen. Set one gallon of water to boil. While it heats up to a boil, remove as much of the green material from the flower heads as possible (the original recipe calls for two quarts of petals only, but this will work as long as you end up with two quarts of prepared flowers). Pour the boiling water over the flowers, cover with cloth, and leave to seep for two days. Do not exceed two days. Pour the mixture back into a pot and bring to a boil. Add the peelings from the four oranges (again, no white pith) and boil for ten minutes. Strain through a muslin cloth or bag onto acrock or plastic pail containing the sugar, stirring to dissolve. When cool, add the juice of the oranges, the yeast and yeast nutrient. Pour into secondary fermentation vessel, fit fermentation trap, and allow to ferment completely. Rack and bottle when wine clears. Again, allow it to age six months in the bottle before tasting, but a year will improve it vastly. This wine has less body than the first recipe produces, but every bit as much flavor (some say more!). [Adapted recipe from C.J.J. Berry's First Steps in Winemaking]

Divine Grace

2011-04-24T15:57:00.001-07:00

Our ideas and perceptions of God are unique and varied. If we were created in God's image, then it would stand to reason that God is multifaceted, diverse, complex and all encompassing.

Anyone who has come across my many shared thoughts and opinions knows that I don't identify as Christian, or Jewish, or NeoPagan, or any one definite path such as those. Rather I am a Divinaturist. I find different commonalities within many different religions and spiritual thought. I do thoroughly enjoy the Hebrew/Bible Old Testament though, because I find much pleasure in reading about the experiences and understanding of God from times long ago, and seeing how they relate to different circumstances today.

I had a really bad day last week. I hit these spells where I just feel overwhelmingly angry and irritable. The toddlers fighting, the dog whining, messy kitchen, piles of laundry, argumentive teenagers, unpaid bills etc etc... some days it all just comes at me at the same time... you know, those days when that old saying 'When it rains, it pours" rings true 100%. Well, it was one of those days. Everything that wanted to come out of my mouth was bitter and rude. I had to make great effort to not stomp around the house and slam doors closed.

So I went for a walk. My daily walk. The two toddlers in the double stroller. And that was the day that I took the picture of the rainbow.

Walking in the cool air, hearing the chorus of birds singing. The dappled light through the damp branches. I felt Divine Grace. That Grace, and Mercy that is often talked about in the Hebrew Bible. I felt it reach to me. Strong and ancient and true.

Yes, one could say it's just the birds. It's just a nice day. It's just [enter whatever here].... but it doesn't change the fact that I was giveh the ability to feel it. To be comforted by it. What a great gift. The gift of feeling. What a wonderment, to be able to be angry and hateful and vile, and regardless, the birds sang, and the air caressed me, and a rainbow painted the sky. To me, that is the Divine Grace, or Grace of God . Not a voice telling me I am forgiven, or a bearded man in the sky patting me on the head.... but simply the ability to feel the deep, undeniable moving force of sacredness within this messed up chaotic space that we call home.

Happy Easter.

Fun times.

2011-04-21T16:17:00.001-07:00

Okay, so... both boys are sick, the two youngest.
Found out on Sunday that we are getting sued to the max for a TINY nudge that may or may not have been our fault while stopped at a light behind someone in a standard that didn't seem to know the difference between forward and backward - no, there were not witnesses.
My hard drive crashed and I lost about 13gb of photos. Yeah, I know... I should have made a back up, but the comp was only five months old.. I didn't expect it. Stupid me.
Other than that, been working on the constitution for Divinaturism. I think it's coming along well. I have 5-6 people willing to sign for the lealization of it as a society. Hopefully starting some classes on Mindfulness at the Mental Health center. How cool is that? I spoke with the nurse who is teaching it, and I swear it was like talking to someone well learned in the verse of Thich Nhat Hahn, Meister Eckhart etc... shes been teaching it for five years. I know the process, I work on it when able, but having a weekly meeting which I attend simply for that purpose? That's kind of cool.
My 16 year old started Wellbutrin. It's been a long stuggle. Amazingly though I'm seeing improvements with him. He no longer wakes up in a rage, angry and mad at everyone and everything. He's still got his 'quirky' personality traits, and that's fine. He isn't trying to change who he is, just trying to better who he is with some help.
Hm, okay that's all for now!

Some thoughts on the season

2011-04-19T09:08:00.001-07:00

rainbow

2011-04-18T23:54:00.001-07:00

Tree in April

2011-04-17T18:32:00.001-07:00

This tree stands at one of the little community parks. Something so majestic about the way the branches splay against the sky. So very far from simple, yet completely natural.

Tree in April

2011-04-17T18:31:00.001-07:00

Same tree, different angle. The whole sky takes on a different hue from this angle, due to the sun being directly behind the tree, albeit hiding in the clouds.

Odd

2011-04-08T00:08:00.001-07:00

The Divine is manifested within this, the natural world. Mystical in the Mundane. The cup which holds the elixer. The negative charge which draws the lightening bolt. Divinus in Natura. So.... when the natural world is destroyed, how will It communicate. Unless we are all champion meditators, and expertly 'enlightened', will we still be able to sense the Divine?

In the blades of grass. The petals of the flower, the smell of spring on the wind.... as living nature falls away, will I still be able to hear God?

When I moved to this valley, I started having strange nostalgic tugs and pulls. Spiritually new thoughts and ideas. Moving to a place with less people, still quite a few, a city... but we lie inward of the coast, considered Fraser Valley East where the mountains which encompass us are almost humanless.Just trees and sporadic dwellings here and there perhaps... but for the main part, uninhabited. Being within this nest of nature is almost like being within the center of a ring of huge quartz crystals... magnifying messages, and amplifiying feelings.

Especially at sunset and twilight each day, I find myself feeling an odd sense of archetypal ceremony. As though tapping in to a vast variety of worship. Unseen and unheard. Christian God, Judaic God, an Orthodox Christ, a Gnostic Christ, perhaps even Ba'al.

This doesn't happen all the time. It happens often enough however that I can sense it approaching, recognize the signs of it's arrival.

Strange.

Really beautiful though.

Silly Me

2011-04-06T09:01:00.001-07:00

sounds much better than "stupid me". The laptop was only five months old, I knew I should back up my files, but that thought REALLY hit home when my computer booted up with a "Failure to detect hard drive". Thirteen gb of photos, images and documents, gone. The rest of the stuff, programs etc, are easy enough to replace, but the photos of the family, and images i worked on... yeah, okay STUPID me for not backing up. Luckily Ive uploaded many pics to my websites and social networking places. So, until I get my pc back from Dell with new hard drive, Im surfing with my android. (On my acer-e liquid... nice phone, well priced but I hate touch screen keyboards. Makes typing a true excercise in patience, lol.)

Civilization gets ugly

2011-04-01T15:08:00.001-07:00

It does. Only months ago these houses were absent from atop the hill which overlooks the river. And these houses are huge. No yards. Yuck.

Names... Mundane and Otherwise

2011-03-28T23:57:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about adopting a name for myself. Starting along a new path and all. I have a 'magical' name that is private and was chosen for my group.
But our group has changed in a few ways, it's grown and sort of roamed new horizons. Seems fair that it might be time for a new Working name. Also, we might be doing some public rituals, as I am hoping to work toward an ordination within the CWABC. (crossing fingers) . I would like a name to be able to use publicly. so, anyhow...

Trees are important to me.
They represent perfection in so many ways. They are rooted... the current of life moves through them. They provide shade, and either food from their fruit or materials for creating (and sometimes eating) from their bark.
They breathe our foul air and bless us with clean air.
They are the grandest of all living things.
Anyhow, Apple was my first choice... but I realized that with all its associations, both magical and mundane (ipads and iphones being pretty darn popular) that it was maybe a bit too 'big' for me.
I began thinking about my area. As well as my personality and what I hope to achieve, balance, strength etc... and I thought of the Birch Tree. Often thought of as Male, but just as often thought of as Feminine... Birth, family domestic things (the Rune Berkana) . The Birch stems from a word meaning Shining, it self propagates, it can tolerate conditions that many other trees can't. It's strong and hardy. You know? Birch can take what life throws at it.
There are also different things that the Birch represents magically, as well as the actual uses of it amongst the Aboriginal people in our area in history.
So, Birch is a name I am happy to take on... a name that can offer me a bit of strength to draw on.
Wind is what makes me feel longing and a need to be out within the trees. Watching the wind blow, (a common occurrence within the Valley) creates such a strong feeling of homesickness... watching the trees dance)
And you know, the second part to my name is a name I use in many forums. Moonrise.

So, Birchwind Moonrise. Birchwind, for short.

Boring Post

2011-03-21T17:40:00.001-07:00

But a post nontheless. Blogging is a good way to keep track of time and events in my life, especially because I have a bad memory.

So, let's see.... my son is selling e-cigarettes (one of my older sons), I bought my 3.5 year old new Thomas Train boots. My 2 year old was jealous, but he has some prett awesome Lightening Mc Queen boots, so I just cleaned and buffed his up a bit, and now he thinks they're new too :D.

My dad and grandparents came over yesterday... oh! and hubby and I had some wine to celebrate High Spring. We watched The Dark Knight ,because believe it or not, we hadn't watched it yet. I really liked it.

Dying my hair today, the greys are taking over.... hm. What else?

Found an awesome place on SL in a region that is part of the Eternity Sims. 50L per week. Tiny place, but the area is beautiful, the cabin is well done, and it has a day/night set that switches places with the touch of a button. I love the peeps in Eternity. Hopefully I will start in the Clerics Guild soon. I passed my quests :D

Okay, that's all for now.

Modron - The Divine Mother

2011-03-17T20:58:00.000-07:00

From Wikipedia we have:

In Welsh mythology, Modron ("divine mother") was a daughter of Afallach, derived from the Gaulish goddess Matrona. She may have been the prototype of Morgan le Fay from Arthurian legend. She was the mother of Mabon, who bears her name as "Mabon ap Modron" ("Mabon, Son of Modron") and who was stolen away from her when he was three days old and later rescued by King Arthur[....]

Her Gaulish counterpart Matrona is a Celtic mother goddess and tutelary goddess of the River Marne. She is also a fertility and harvest deity often equated with Greece's Demeter or Ireland's Danu. InBritain, she appears as a washerwoman, and thus there would seem to be a connection with the Morrígan

and

In Celtic mythology, Dea Matrona ("divine mother goddess") was the goddess of the river Marne in Gaul.
In many areas she was worshipped as a triple goddess, and known as Deae Matres (or Deae Matronae), with a wider sphere of believed^[who?] influence. This triadic deity is well attested throughout northern Europe (more generally as the Matres or Matrones), not just in Celtic areas, and was similar to the Fates, Furies, Norns, and other such figures.
The Gaulish theonym Mātr-on-ā is interpreted to mean "great mother". The name of Welsh mythological figure Modron, mother of Mabon is derived from the same etymon.^{[citation needed]} By analogy, Dea Matrona may conceivably have been the mother of the Gaulish Maponos.

As for the actual Myth, it can be found in many sites. Keeping in mind that the written myth was much more recent than the oral myth (or if there were other things written about it, we can't find it), the basic theme is:

'Mabon' is named after the Welsh God Mabon, known as the Son of Light or the Divine Youth. In Welsh myth Mabon was taken from his mother Modron - the Healer, the Guardian of the Outerworld. There are variations of this myth but one of the oldest versions is that Mabon is rescued through the wisdom of ancient animals, the Stag, Eagle, Blackbird, Owl and Salmon. All along Mabon had been merely resting happily in his mothers womb, being nurtured and learning new lessons, until he is reborn stronger and wiser.

So, we have a few different things going on. Another thing worth mentioning is the similarity between Rhiannon losing her child, and having him returned, much older than he should be.

Either way, I was trying to find a base, a sort of 'pre-myth' myth.
Modron gives birth, and Mabon lies between her and the wall, and then is taken for three days (or really I don't know if the three days is a for sure, or just one of many theories. The Three Day theme is pretty popular in death/rebirth myths, right down to Jesus). Regardless, The Divine Mother gives birth, the child is stolen and then reappears within her womb older and having learned new lessons, is reborn stronger and wiser.

Well, what came to me was an image of a fallen fruit from the harvest. The fruit (or seed) that has been birthed from the fruits of summer falls to the ground, to our Earth Mother. Shortly thereafter, the seed is drawn down into the earth where it grows again, into a tree. So, theoretically, Mabon is the seed from the harvest that lays next to (or on) his mother, he then is absorbed into her womb and rebirthed.

Those were my ponderings anyhow.

Divinity in the Natural World | Divinaturism

2011-03-14T12:04:00.001-07:00

via divinaturism.com

Untitled

2011-03-09T17:29:00.001-08:00

Evening Walk

2011-03-09T08:36:00.001-08:00

The sun has set behind the great hills to the West of this valley,

But darkness has not come yet,

Pavement dark from the day long rains,

Soaked from the showers that have now ceased.

The smells of wet soil and damp foilage,

Not yet full of spring's bloom

And plumes of smoke rising from chimneys,

Lend further hint to the reluctance of winter's passing

Rumbling loudly, a long train journeys past

Shaking the ground on it's way to the coast

The world winds down, settling

Into the rythmic patterns of an ending day

Black bare trees, with only tiny brave buds

Stand against the grey and white patterns of the sky

Birds not yet in their nests, sit in the branches

Singing their final song before nightfall

it's monday

2011-03-07T16:05:00.001-08:00

A very inspiring title. Anyhow... we actually had some spring like weather. Definitely a thrill. Normally in march on the west coast it is a WEE bit warmer than this. Rain of course, being that this is south west Canada, but lately it's actually been freezing. We spent a lot of time outside today, but the clouds are rolling in and a bit of a chill is making itself present.
Redid the church website for the local website for the local Anglican church I attend, and Im busy trying to write up our High Spring ritual for our Divinaturist group. Definitely an interesting blend of spiriuality. However i just see a lot of unifying factors in different paths. Universal pluralty. Lol . I dont feel thigs need to necessarily be one or the other. They just need to resonate with your heart. Cus it's all about the love!

Spring vs Winter - Winter is ahead (but the days are getting longer, take THAT winter!)

2011-03-02T18:55:00.001-08:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

Untitled

2011-03-02T07:56:00.001-08:00

People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child — our own two eyes. All is a miracle.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

2011-02-26T23:19:00.000-08:00

Winter decided it was not done yet. It has been very cold the past few days. With the wind -5 C during the day, sometimes -10. During the night it has been similarily cold. You can still tell it is spring however because it is still light out at 6pm :) Oooh the simple pleasures in life!

Divinaturism - our Spiritual Practice

2011-02-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

http://divinaturism.com/ Read this link for more info.

Divinaturism is similar to Panentheism in many ways. The main difference is that while panentheism is more a belief system, Divinaturism is the name we give to the spiritual path we are on. It is more than a system, it is a spiritual practice. Our way to ‘re-link to the divine. We are Divinaturists.

Etymology:

Divinaturism – The Practice of recognizing Divinty in the Natural World.

Divinaturist – One who practices Divinaturism.

di-vi-na’-too-ri-zm – From the Latin words ‘divinitus’ in ‘natura’ .

meaning: divinity in nature

All in all, a nice weekend...(warning - long and rambly)

2011-02-20T23:17:00.001-08:00

Not sure exactly what it was that made this weekend so nice. It sometimes doesn't take much to impress me (just like sometimes it takes very little to really irritate me, in all honesty)

My sixteen year old and I got along reasonably well. This is great news considering how the past few weeks have been. I went to go check out a place for some friends of mine, I'm hoping to get them to move out this way... my husband gave me a ride there, totally didn't mind - and this was cool too, because normally he's not a fan of stuff like that. Then later that night, he and I went grocery shopping with our 2 and 3 year old...something we NEVER do. He always goes on his own because it's easier than packing up the kids, (my 21 year old is usually working evenings and my 18 year old is semi frightened of crying toddlers. I'd go myself but hubby is the wheelman. One day i'll be the wheelchick, but for now this is the necessary evil) ... the kids were great. Grocery shopping was a breeze. Got great deals on things... kids went to sleep no problem (plus of course we did our outside play time in the chilled air, like every day)

Next day was just a rolling sort of day... hubby and I were very amicable, teenage son was still being a good kid.... I took our 2 year old with me for a walk to walmart.I accompanied my 21 year old on his way to work and because hes a foot taller than me I had to MAJORLY speed walk. Good excercise, my calves/thighs hurt today. I do 3km a day, and I go quick, pushing the double stroller with 65lbs worth of kids in it... but at the rate my oldest had me walking I was almost running! Anyhow, the air was chilled, the wind was really whipping through the valley, but it was gloriously sunny. Eagles were flying, grass and trees were dancing in the wind. I just felt so darn alive. On the walk back I took a bunch of pics.

Last night hubby did a tarot card reading for me, and during the process, I made some connections with the tarot that I had been missing... I'm not proficient with the tarot, but I meditate on different cards and am slowly and surely learning all their paths and suddenly, the Tree of Life/Sephirot link has made itself understood. It was cool and I was inspired to pick up my tarot work. Watched a mediocore movie on tv, but it had been so long since I'd watched tv (Treehouse for Toddlers does not count) that I really enjoyed it.

Then today... but first some background - my husband works ten hours shifts. On his feet for the whole ten hours, at a machine. He's gone about 12 hours/day. He has a three day weekend though, which is a bonus... but it means during the week, come home, play with kids (cus he is an awesome dad. Truly and loves every moment with his kids) and sleep. when weekend comes, he wants to be on no ones clock. I get it. I totally do. I worked for many years and raised my older three on my own, a mother from 16 years old onward... so I know what its like to work and be a parent... add into it the fact that until he and i got together a few years ago.. he was also a musician, and very fluid within the pagan scene in Vancouver... so he really got to have his time to himself when he wasnt working.

So now, having kids and working lots, and wanting to have weekends to himself, he hasnt been super excited about being up early on Sunday morning so I can go to church. Yes, church. Neo-Pagan, Kabbalah-studying, Gnostic minister... I love my local Anglican church. I love the people... I love the fact that there are as many different ideas about God as their are parishioners.. I know no-one in this new city, and for the past three years, although Ive tried making new friends (a neat thing to do when you move after 30 years of living in the same few miles) Ive met nobody really. It'll change when these lil guys get to school and I can get some part time work.. and Im not knocking it, but it gets lonely. lol...so last year, being so far from the pagan scene and missing a sense of community, I started church hopping and voila! Found a wonderful little church with a priest who is fabulous, so is his wife, and the Deacon... just loving it. But... hubby was not cool with the sunday mornings anymore... oldest son worked, so he wasnt around to watch his lil bros, 18 year old... a darling girl but not good with two toddlers who are into everything all the time... and frankly leaving her with them so I could go out would NOT be a break for me at all, I'd be worried like crazy, lol.

Bringing the kids could have worked... but this was really my time to myself. so... anyhow this weekend, hubby surprised me by giving me two big thumbs up to go to church. He was up early, no complaints... I went to coffee afterward, came home and he was still chipper... he asked if I had a good time. And truly I really did.... then we spent the afternoon outside, replanted our Corkscrew Hazel. Had a pleasant evening together...

I know that to many peeps, this would be a totally dull entry, but thats okay. Ive got a bad memory and I like to write down things, moments in time (or weekends lol) that make me happy.

And this weekend did truly make me happy.

Lots of outside time in beautiful southern British Columbia, going to church, no arguments.. it was nice. :D

See the full gallery on posterous

Finding spring

2011-02-17T15:14:00.001-08:00

Crocuses are popping up everywhere. Heres a picture. My son is in it too, thats his muddy little shoe to the right. :)

A new Friend

2011-02-16T15:56:00.001-08:00

Well, I made a new friend while out for my daily 3km walk with the kids. (they sit in the double stroller, it's much faster that way. Otherwise we mosy along like slugs, and that does very little for my daily cardio)

We were on our last stretch toward home when an older fellow on a bike, rode past and said 'You guys are lucky!' to my 2 and 3 year old in the stroller, and gave them a thumbs up. He then stopped his bike a little ways ahead of us and as we approached he said to the boys, 'Have you ever given your mum a tip?' I told him that they hadn't and in fact had only recently befin putting cohesive sentences together. Well, he gave each of them a looney. (A dollar coin for non-canadians who have no idea what that is) Each of them smiled and gave the coin to me. My tip for doing such a marvy job pushing them in the stroller.

He said his name was Crazy George. I introduced ourselves to him. After a bit more small talk he was on his way.

It was a nice feeling.

Funny actually, there is an older aboriginal man who rides a bike and he and I often pass each other if I'm out walking in the afternoon. He with a little gaggle of children riding along with him on their bikes, and a little one or two in a bike trailer behind him. I've seen him off and on since I first moved here and started walking. He will smile and nod and/or say 'hi' and I do the same. Sometimes he is without the children, but either way, we always acknowlege each other with pleasantries. He comes from the direction of one of the reservations that encircle Chilliwack. The funny thing (I mentioned something funny in the beginning of this paragraph) is that I feel a deeper connection to him and to alot of the others who travel by foot and who are (or seem to be) a bit down and out.

Most of my adult life was spent in poverty. From the time I moved out at 16 onward. When I walk with these little ones, I am brought back to a time a decade+ ago when my older three children were as young as these ones are now. Young mom, single and poor. Every day a struggle, whether it be to lug groceries home on welfare day, while trying to push a double stroller, with only my 6 year old to help, or worse yet, the struggle to make a meal out of whatever meager eatings were in the cupboards.

I am remarried now, with the two little ones, and because of my grandmother's death, my mother was able to put a huge downpayment on a home for us. So we pay the mortgage.. co-owner with my mom (who doesn't live with us... such a good woman ;) ) but appearances are deceiving.

We have a nice home... but in my heart I am humble. We still live paycheque to paycheque (sometimes barely) but we have a roof over our heads no matter what and THAT is awesome. I know though that we are different from our neighbours. I know them well enough to know that they aren't like that.

They have multiple vehicles, atvs,recreactional vehicles... We have a vehicle. First new vehicle that we've ever owned. Everything we have is so appreciated.

I see the people of my city, the poor and the ones pushing children, lugging groceries, or strapping HUGE bundles on their bikes and I feel a familiarity. I feel a sense of comfort too.

A Song of Thankfulness

2011-02-16T09:55:00.001-08:00

I'm thankful for the sun

Thankful for the rain

I'm thankful for the mountain

And the valley and the plain

I'm thankful for the fire,

That warms me in the night

I'm thankful for the stars and moon

That guide me with their light

I'm thankful for the food that grows

And wind that blows the tree

I'm thankful for the river ,

That flows out to the sea.

I'm thankful for this life

Although I know there's pain

I'm thankful for the Sun

I'm thankful for the Rain

~Shilo Orellana

Regarding our group Circle of the Eternal Sun

2011-02-15T12:59:00.001-08:00

It ocurred to me that by using the term Shekinah, I might be stepping on people's toes. Although I am of a belief that Shekinah equates Malkuth, I realize that in many (most?) Kabbalistic circles, the Shekinah has been cast out to dwell in Malkuth, and is not necessarily equivalated with the Earth Mother.

For that reason, I'll most likely be changing the wording up of the ritual a bit.

Basically, COES is constructed like this:

Many Pagan/Wiccan groups do not bring Creation into the group belief. We differ in that we do use a creation myth in our group. We see the basic creation story of Kabbalah as a great tool for understanding the nature of good/evil, and our state of being, as well as our purpose. (as well as honouring the 4 elements as Blessings within the different seasons - Chesed-Water-South-Summer, Malkuth-Earth-West-Autumn, Gevurah-Fire-North-Winter, Tipheret-Air-East-Spring)

Rather than being strict in the teachings of Kabbalah (which in all fairness is a REQUIREMENT if one is actually learning Kabbalah) we are using that Myth as the basis for the understanding of our Great Father (Tipheret) and Great Mother (Malkuth. Binah is a Supernal and therfore is not really associated with this realm, other than her merging and drawing down into Tiferet and then into Malkuth)

An equally important part of our belief is panentheism. The belief that at least a PORTION of divinity exists within matter. A moving force behind all.

The concept that the Great Mother of Matter and the Great Father of Spirit must merge symbolizes the uniting of our small ego self with our bigger spiritual self.

This can be done in s variety of ways that feel right to the individual.

Mother Earth and Father Sky.

Lady and Lord

Queen and King

Bride and Bridegroom.....

it all comes down to the same thing.

And the 'Kabbalah' part of this is the understanding that the different aspects of the Godhead have made their way into this realm.

We could say that God as a whole, Constricted, and the Spheres passed through the veil.They fragmented into the positives and negatives we have about us now.

This sort of belief system is what makes this group a bit different from many pagan/wiccan groups who are less interested in the creation myth.

Also, many pagan/wiccan groups do magic to bring about specific things for themself. While we think this is fully understandable, we also feel that because we are all connected, that what our neighbour lacks, WE lack.

We suffer what others are suffer. And this affects the whole world.

Doing magic for personal gain is fine, but we also should be using our ability to raise up love and energy and direct it toward the suffering of the world.

We don't pray and say "Mr. So n So has cancer, please heal him. " Nor do we do a spell to heal others physical suffering without consent... however praying to help someone, or a group of people Find the Strength they need to endure hardship. Sending them our Love, pure and simple... THAT is always okay. And always adviseable. In fact, taking time daily, during your morning or evening meditations, to send love toward someone/s is recommended. As we build up love and send it out into the world, the overall amount of love available increases.

So, just rambling a bit here about the ideas behind this group.

Truly, NONE of us knows the truth about creation. All the Gods and Goddesses, and all the spiritual paths.

We are all wrong.

We are all right.

It comes down to this.

People since the begininng of time have been writing stories, Myths to explain the unexplainable.

They write stories to explain their understanding of God and the world. When enough people agree with that idea, a religious movement is formed.

So it has been since the beginning of time.

We are all part of a living myth.

Facebook

2011-02-14T08:35:00.001-08:00

Im stepping back from Facebook. In actuality, I was just going to do it and leave it at that, but I wanted to be able to stay in touch with whomever wants to stay in touch. I use Posterous to cross post to different blogging platforms (Tumblr is awesome for a simple image, or quote etc. So often what I post at tumblr (godisinthewind.com) is different from the other places)

Facebook minds me of speed dating. It also brings about a weird sense of 'friendships'. When one sees status updates all day long, one often doesn't feel the need to directly email, or call a person because 'HEY I can just post on their wall!'

This really hit home for me a few weeks ago when I found out that a friend of mine from highschool, died. We had found each other on Facebook, and that was great. She had suggested we see each other sometime and I kept saying 'Sure, really soon, next time I'm out that way'... but you know, something about being able to just communicate via facebook seems to take the urgency out of those actual physical socializations... or even a phone call. So at the back of my head, I always thought 'yeah, I'll go see her sometime soon' in the meantime , lazily just opting to post instead. Then she died. Her brain cancer, which had been in remission, came back and she died. There was no second chance to go see her.

I don't want to be a lazy friend, and I don't want to have lazy friends, lol.... HELL, if you'd never email each other directly, or communicate on any other venue except Facebook... (even if it's a mutual interest forum or email group etc) then how are they a friend?

So for me, I'm leaving it. If someone wants to contact me, I have listed all my blogs etc, as well as left an option to send me an email address. And please, really, if you'd like to be in contact, if you send me an email address I'll stay in touch. Or we could even go one step further and exchange a phone number! Scary thought I know.

Anyhow, that's where I'm at right now.

And if you see this post multiple times, (perhaps you alreayd follow some of my different blogs )its because I'm using posterous.com A handy lil blogging device. Check it out!

Low Spring

2011-02-12T23:13:00.001-08:00

Well, it turned out quite nice. At the last moment my 2 year old decided he didn’t want to join us. Our three year old was wearing bells around his arm, so that he could jingle about while we danced, and this seemed to upset our 2 year old. We tried to offer him bells too, but he really didn’t like the bells. He wanted a bottle instead, lol… so he sat upstairs with my 18 year old daughter and watched Treehouse.

We got off to a late start (PST-Pagan Standard Time) but all went well. Akashik made up a drum beat for looping, with the background sound of water, a raven and an eagle… some windchimes here and there… it was a perfect medley. We honoured the quarters, we welcomed the Four Blessings. We blessed Wine and Bread, and danced. Along with the drum loop that Akashik created to play over the amp, he had his real djembe also, and we had a tambourine, so we really got some rythm going.The central part of the ritual was planting some Holy Basil.

We gave thanks to Shekhinah and Melekh, and vowed to remember to walk gently upon the earth, and to be mindful of the Divinity within the ordinary.

I baked some french bread, and made a pork roast. Artichoke and leek dip, olives, different cheeses and more… it was a nice spread

Blessings!

Galiano - Akashik

2011-02-12T01:28:00.000-08:00

Galiano - Akashik

Just me

2011-02-09T16:45:00.001-08:00

Low Spring

2011-02-09T14:10:00.000-08:00

This Saturday will be our Low Spring ritual/potluck. It's been awhile since we have been active in our coven work. Each of us has been on a personal journey this past year. That journey has taken us on our own paths based on our own interests, but it seems as though the restructuring and rewriting of our core ritual as well as the associations, has served to provide a more universal approach to the craft for each of us.
Integrating the core ideas found in Kabbalah, Earth-Based/Paganism, and other such paths might sound quite bizarre, but honestly, when one studies these different systems, it becomes quite easy to find the recurrent themes which relate and intertwine with one another.
We shall see how it goes! This might be something that stays better suited to solitary practice.

Mundane

2011-02-07T21:00:00.000-08:00

Yep.
Being a parent of such a challenging 16 year old might be easier if I actually knew anyone out here. I have these days where the little ones and I go for our walks, and play outside and all is good... and during those times, I don't mind the fact that I've lived in this city for three years and have no friends....
But then days like today, where my 16 year old is driving me freaking nuts come round, and after a tearful (on my end) fight, it would be SO nice to have someone come by for a cup of coffee or something.
I remember before, when I was a single mom with my older three, I had a good friend who was always there for me. (And I tried to do the same for her) When things got shitty, I could call her up and whine. :)
When things go shitty now, there's really no one to talk to.
I can tell my husband, and then he just gets frustrated because as the step-dad, he is rather limited. The best way to get a troubled teen acting even more troubled is by getting a step-parent involved in a dispute. Well, at least round here anyhow.
I love living where I do, but wow. It's tough sometimes. It's beautiful here, but any attempts I've made at socializing have been kind of dead ends. Anyhow, enough rambling. Just having a crappy day.

Imbolc in Eternity

2011-02-06T16:28:00.000-08:00

I was thrilled to make it to the opening ceremonies in Eternity. Eternity is a RP region in Second Life. Currently residing in Tir na Brighid, which is just a stone's throw (well, a continent) away from Eternity. I can easily make the trek there by foot.
I love the region, and the people. Having a wonderful time!

as Muirne, at her cottage

Waiting for the procession to start for opening Imbolc celebration

A lovely shade of green that just wouldn't work well in 1st life. In 2nd life though? Heck yes! Murine the Herbalist. Healer.

Moonrise Azalee aka Muirne

Second Life Travels

2011-01-27T02:21:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been hanging out in SL alot these days. After the work is done, kids are sleeping, lunches made... I venture off to my virtual home in the metaverse.
I am still enjoying my time in Spirit Nations immensely. It is truly a lovely place with lovely people. It is not a role playing sim, but rather a place where like minded folk gather for story telling, healing circles and more.
I gave up my home on Barbados Beach. Rent was good, but you know.... just got the urge to move on.
I found a fantastic place though.
I was wandering around, from parcel to parcel, checking out different things. Empty lots, rental cottages, trying to find something just right.
I found a place at Teras Island, owned by Cheswick Properties, and part of the Isles of Cheswick Estates. The homes are all lovely with great sized yards. The lot I'm on is 1280 m2, and each lot has the house already built, but they are great places. Nice quality. Rent is 750L, and has 300 Prims. The Prims don't include the home, so you get a nice place, beautiful yard PLUS still 300 Prims to play with.
There are little pathways to walk along, a stream running through it.
Very nice.
I am definitely going to stay here awhile.
Want the slurl? http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Teras/195/141/29
Definitely a place to check out if you want a quality home, on a class 5 server, with beautiful scenery and some decent primage for you buck.
Another nice place that I found was Tir na Brighid. Quite beautiful, private, beautiful feel to it... almost desolate, yet lovely. Same price, same primage, but not really much for yard space. Definitely take a look though. It is a part of Kismet I believe. I popped over to Kismet while there and danced the maypole a bit, and cuddled with a deer :)

Gaias Rising, an awesome place! Love it.
And of course, there's always Covenstead as well, with wonderful places to visit and many cottages for rent, very appealing to the Pagan-minded.
Well, it's late, I'm off to bed, I'll leave you with some pictures :)

Cooking up some.... something, at my new place in Teras.

Weeding my garden at my new home.

Hanging out with my friend Dagda in Kismet. Awww, he's cuddling with the deer.

Just absorbing all the beautiful scenery in Spirit Nations. It is required that you dress appropriately. There are free Male and Female clothing boxes near the bridge at the entrance way to the community area, just out of the shops area.

Dusk in Spirit Nations.

Notice the cool cross? Reminded me much of my pendant. I HAD to take this place. Note the nice sized yard and very darling home. 750? Good price!

Circling Around the Sun

2011-01-21T21:27:00.000-08:00

I often sing 'Light is Returning', the Charlie Murphy song, and I often reflect on:
One planet is turning...
Circle on her path around the sun...

It's such a marvelous thing really.
The way the whole thing works.
Yes, there is despair and hate and darkness and other horrible things caused by imbalances within our system.

But overall, even amidst it all, it's amazing. Sometimes, the water in the sky (the clouds) gently falls upon us in a gentle drizzle, other times the clouds seem to almost throw themselves down to earth in so many spears of wetness.

The hues in the sky as we turn away from the sun, and the same similar hues, tho reversed, as we turn back to the sun come morning.
The cells in my body attacking foreign invaders, the cells in my body hard at work repairing, after I tear the skin.

The unification of a single sperm, who has won a battle amongst many others, in a rather unwelcoming environment, with the receptive egg. Instantaneous division of cells, growing into a person.

I could never be a world-hater. A system hater? Possibly... though hate is perhaps not the correct word. I would rather aspire to be 'independant of' the system. (a hard task, yep!)

The natural state of the earth, without the interference of human ego is so freaking amazing.

Hmm...
Just some random contemplations this evening

Mindfulness meditation training changes brain structure in eight weeks

2011-01-21T18:04:00.000-08:00

Mindfulness meditation training changes brain structure in eight weeks

ScienceDaily (2011-01-21) -- Participating in an 8-week mindfulness meditation program appears to make measurable changes in brain regions associated with memory, sense of self, empathy and stress. A new study is the first to document meditation-produced changes over time in the brain's grey matter.

Thich Nhat Hanh - Plum Village - Winter Retreat 2010-11

2011-01-06T00:42:00.000-08:00

Thich Nhat Hanh - Plum Village - Winter Retreat 2010-11

Blessings and Animals

2010-12-30T22:38:00.001-08:00

In observing different Medicine Wheels, Pagan Wheels of the Year, and other such symbols, it's just amazing how many similarities there are.

Blessings

In reference to our wheel, pictured to the right, one can see the four bars of colour. Yellow, Blue, Black and Red.
I call these these our blessings.

Air/Yellow represents the gift of warming air. This is the time of spring, sowing and planting, new life beginning, so one would be likely to easily attribute this season to Earth, however it is the warming air that brings about the warming of the soil and the return of visible life.

Water/Blue represents the gift of water. On our wheel it is the time of Summer, South, and so it is this cool refreshing blessing of water that sustains us and all living things during the Summer heat.

Earth/Black represents the gift of our Earth. Although it seems as though this time of year the earth is doing very little, it is in fact at this time, the Harvest Time of Autumn that the soil receives the seed of the fallen fruit. This is the blessing of life renewed.

Fire/Red represents the gift of Fire. Heat that keeps us living, heat that prepares our food. The Fire element in the North brings us the blessing of warmth during the winter months.

These Gifts or Blessings are the required element to provide the balance needed.

The abundance of Chesed in Summer is balanced across the bar with the Restraint of Gevurah's judgement in the winter.

Animals

Where we live, in South Western British Columbia, the First Nations people play a big role. When we moved out this way, it was only a matter of time before I began to feel a deep spiritual tug toward an earth centered awareness. Not in the same manner that I experienced while living outside of Vancouver, practicing the Craft regularly.
This feeling has been alot more subtle and has taken awhile before I realized exactly what it was. I am not First Nations. I am a Heinz 57 of many different ethnicities. However I was introduced through adoption to Judaism as a child, and now, as a resident in a land not really my own, I am once again being acquainted to a territory not of my actual birth right.
However, the richness of the traditions are all around me, and looking at Totem poles I often think of the Tree of Life.

Now, for the animals:

East, Air, Eagle. The Eagle is a beautiful creature. When we go for our daily walks and I see an Eagle soaring above, silent, graceful, I feel so thankful. Although I know The Divine is not 'in the sky', nontheless, this great bird seems to hover between the Mystical and the Mundane. Perfect balance of Tiferet.

South, Water, Salmon. The salmon and other fish are key to our area. Our First Nations people, are named after the river. Literally, People of the River - Sto:lo. Although Abundance might not be a true descriptive term for our fish these days, flowing rivers are very representive of Chesed. In the summer, one just needs to drive five or ten minutes before all the many fisherman come into view... casting and wading, spending the day at the river. The Fraser Valley is known for it's fishing and our beautiful waterways.

West,Earth,Bear. The bear is truly a creature of the Earth. Clawing up the soil to get to roots, grabbing fish from the rivers and streams, eating and foraging. The bear is also a symbol of balance, being capable of extreme violence when it comes to protecting her family, yet when not threatened, and in her natural state, she is a beautiful, carefree creature, ambling about.

North,Fire,Wolf The Wolf is a wonderful representative of Gevurah. This fiery energetic creature, at home in the cold winter. Howling at the midnight sun. A killer, yes, but only doing what he is created to do. Killing off the slower, or the weaker of a species. Power. Strength.

This only touches on some of the thoughts I was having this afternoon, but I thought I'd share them.

Rekindling the Eternal Sun

2010-12-30T22:37:00.001-08:00

I have been a part of the Pagan community for about six years now. A mere drop in the hat compared to many, but they have been formative years indeed.

The past year has led to my ordination as a Minister within the Universalist Gnostic Communion, and my study is still continuing and most likely will for the rest of my life.

My interest and practice in Gardnerian Witchcraft led me to investigate Gnosticism. This is still a big love of mine, although the term Gnostic as some scholars may understand it, does not really fit me. I seek Gnosis yes. I am searching for that intimate knowledge of the Divine, yes. If those two things alone are criteria in someone's eyes, then I am indeed a Gnostic.

During my study of Gnosticism, along with the traditional texts one would expect to find within that 'system', I came across the Gospel of Thomas. It was this text that really opened my eyes.

Gospel of Thomas is much like Tarot. It really does bring forth that which is within you. The words acting as symbols to trigger and stimulate lay ideas and thoughts. For people who are strictly Christian, the words in Gospel of Thomas quite possibly support their preconceived idea as to who or what Yeshua/Jesus was. Likewise for the Jew who finds interest in this writing, or anyone from any other religious background.

When I came across Gospel of Thomas, I had actually put neopaganism/hermetics behind me. I had come to the conclusion for some reason that the framework found in the pagan/wiccan/hermetic rituals just seemed to lack real substance.

Then, when reading these words which were written as long ago as 40AD or 140AD (Depending on which school of thought one is following along with, old or new) it began to change my viewpoint.
For one, I really began to see Jesus as a man. A teacher. A guy who was frustrated with the way that the Temple was operating. A man who wanted people to realize that The Divine was not something that the Pharisees or any other church leaders should be holding the keys to. Yeshua taught, in the Gospel of Thomas (which many scholars feel is the earliest 'gospel' we have and most likely pre-dates Mark, Matthew, Luke and John) that the Kingdom is within you. It is also outside of you. The Kingdom is 'here' but we don't see it. Of course, having a bit of an interest in Kabbalah, this sort of dialogue really engaged me.
Also in Gospel of Thomas is the talking of making the two into one. The inner as the outer, the male and female...

Although Kabbalah was not fully configured into written work until quite some time later, who is to say what sort of oral traditions and ideas were in use at the time? Jewish Mysticism started somewhere, and it is not at all unreasonable to believe that Yeshua was of that sort of mindset.

In fact, one can find a few different current writings about the Judaic Shamanism that existed in history, and it is that direction that my path took me.

There is a call back to the source. Back to the simplistic but unfathomable essence of the Divine.
There is a common truth within many different systems. This perhaps seeming mishmash of traditions within the Circle of the Eternal Sun is really not that peculiar.

Taken from http://www.newkabbalah.com/tikkun.html "The "raising of the sparks" implies that there is something of spiritual value in all things, and it is man's daily task to discover and bring out the value in the material world, thereby transforming that world into a spiritual realm. Tikkun ha-Olam will only be complete when the last spark has been raised and the entire world informed with spiritual meaning and value." Sanford L Drob

That idea of the Mystical within the mundane, that the Divine is present within earthly substance, is evident in many traditions. Panentheistic in many ways, it is the idea that observing, honouring and connecting to the natural world brings us closer to the Divine.

Rather than seeing our world as being run by Gods and Goddesses from different pantheons, COES sees all as being connected and an aspect of, the One.

Observing our Wheel at the right hand side: if East/Air/Spring is at the top, we see that in Spring, it is the gift of the warming air that brings about the growth in the earth.
To the South, where the Sun is red, is the blue bar. Blue is the gift of water within the heat of the summer months that sustains us.
To the West, where the bar is black, it is the gift of the Earth, the fruits of our labour.
To the North, where the red bar is, but the sun is in it's 'hiding', it is the gift of Fire that warms us in these cold days.

Here is a wonderful article I recommend that describes well the unification of opposites (an idea popular within Hermetics as well )
http://www.newkabbalah.com/CoincJewMyst.htm

Circle of the Eternal Sun

2010-12-27T23:20:00.000-08:00

Our group has been revived. After a year long break in which we have all been pursuing different projects and treading some different paths, we have come together to rebuild our circle.
We each had things that were not resonating properly with us within the structure and correspondences of our previous coven framework. However we had kept with it over the last year or so because it was how we were trained within the Gardnerian Tradition.
Quite eclectic but blooming nicely. We still have some things that need to be rewritten and touched up. It is basically a Neopagan/Panentheistic/Kabbalistic approach. The focus is on the indwelling essence of Divinity within the elements here in this realm and within ourselves. It is about reuniting the sparks within.
The Circle of the Eternal Sun

Celebration of Light

2010-12-23T11:17:00.001-08:00

Last night we celebrated the return of the light. It was subtle, but nice.

Slowly we are making the transition back to a more religion neutral version of celebrating the holidays.
When we lived in the Vancouver area, it was easier, as there were lots of pagan folk milling about, lots of celebration invites, and discussing solstice was commonplace amongst friends.
Where we have moved to it's not so very acceptable and over the past few years we really fell out of sync with the rythm of the earth.

Since my realization of the Divinity of the One within the earth and elements, I realized I had gone too far in the opposite direction and had been neglecting the Shekinah, or Gaia, or the Great Mother.
I had forgotten that God's Divinity lay within her, and all around me, and I just had not seen it.
So, this year, Christmas took on a weird feeling. It had a frustrating quality. I felt as though I was being guilted to celebrate it via media displays of nostalgic images, and pressure from the local mindset that to do otherwise would be abnormal.

So, we celebrated the Earth's journey around the sun, the process of renewal, new hope, new light... it wasn't discussed as so much really - my 16, 18 and 21 year old are totally NOT into that. We ate a nice feast of spicy tacos and rice and chili - my husband drummed, we turned out the lights and listened to him drum by the light of the Tree.... then I went off and got the gifts I had wrapped and we exchanged presents.

It was nice.

Blessed Solstice to All

Virtual Worlds

2010-12-16T23:04:00.000-08:00

I've been spending time in Second Life lately. I was on there quite regularly a few years back, but my little laptop at the time couldn't handle it. My new laptop isn't LOTS better, but it allows me to run SL on low graphics as long as there aren't too many other things going on at the same time. One thing I like is the ability to 'travel' and see places. I'm not a role player, I don't go there to pretend to be someone else, though I know that's why lots of people do go.

Drumming in my drum circle on my Serenity Beach property

I love this little Parcel at Barbados Beach

I'm a resident at Solace Beach Estates on one of their sims Barbados Island. They have many other great places too, like Serenity Beach.
I was staying there also, it is a lovely wooded area.

Looking at my Asian chair (not sure why) in my place at Serenity Beach

However it wasn't really a community type place, so I wandered about and found this wonderful Sim called Home of Many Nations:Spirit Nations. (http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Spirit%20Nations/100/172/21)

Relaxing by the fire at Spirit Nations

Quite wonderful timing really because in the past little while I have been working on learning more about the Aboriginal people of the Fraser Valley, which is where I live.

God is like Soup

2010-11-28T10:26:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaSo, with the talk about dualism on the message board I run, I had had alot of my mind...this whole good/bad, mercy/severity, wealth/poverty etc... I had been walking with my husband yesterday, and was rambling off some different thoughts I had.He and I both are approaching Kabbalah from slightly different aspects.

I was saying, that God, the Divine, it seems as though comes through this world fragmented. I feel/sense the presence of Divinity in the wind, in the rivers, and in fact have been prompted to seek out one of the Sto:lo in our area to teach me about their native spirituality.

I was thinking of how if you take the most delicious fantastic soup, and passed it through a sieve that divided the parts, you would have salt, spice, sweet, bitter, etc.
Someone could taste any one of these parts and say "OH MY GOSH, this is DISGUSTING!"

And one could say, "but this is SOUP, soup is fantastic and delicious and life giving!"
And another would say, " If THIS is what soup tastes like, I want none of it! I would rather starve!" and starve they might.

Or maybe someone would say "This is not the REAL soup, this is the false soup. Real soup does not taste in extremes. Real soup would not have such bitterness, such tartness and random chunks and pieces"

Then one, perhaps a chef, would say "Ah, but it is my job in life, to bring the elements of this soup together so that they may mix within me and give me nourishment and strength"

hmmm.. okay, so that was very abstract, but I am pretty sure you get my meaning.
So, yeah, was thinking about this, how God is perhaps fragmented on this realm, this world of matter....

And then at home, reading some of my study work, I was reading about how the paths of the Sephiroth on the tree of life, are Seven, and they tie in not only with the Ancient Planets, but that these Paths are also related to the Double letters of the Hebrew Alephbet. Each path being dualisms sort of (when looked at as one of the double letters). Slowly they work their way down through Yesod and into Malkuth, the earthly realm that we are on. In Malkuth these things are actually physical. Struck with density.

And here, it seems to me, that these bits and peices are all lying about. In their singular forms.

If we look deeply, we see that they are all interconnected by the threads of the Divine, only faintly visible in this dimension unless we KNOW what we are looking at/for.

These threads can be touched, and the linked vibrations felt... sometimes this is noticeable by the true few that can 'see'. It isn't that they have special powers, it's just that they are, somehow, able to grab that vibrating thread, and hear it's tune, like an almost non-existent guitar string.

We are to be the Chef, all the emanations flowing down to us, and us uniting them, here on this physical realm.

Yeah, so anyhow, I share this not because I am saying 'This is what it is', but I am sharing it because this is the truth that is speaking to me right now. It is what I am understanding, and like all things, it is open to change and growth. But this is how God is revealing Itself to me. Through the tools manifested in this realm... this is the flavour of these experiences I have been having since past spring and couldn't quite put my finger on it, or find the words.

Beauty

2010-11-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

Throw down your books!
Run outside and dance!
Quickly, while the sky has opened,
And the ocean falls down upon us.
The clouds, racing and tumbling like waves ,
Cast out their charge and bathe us
In the Beauty of God.

I've got that feeling again

2010-11-12T23:50:00.000-08:00

Broken filter.
The emotions running the gamut from one extreme to the next. Moment to moment.
But the chain on this pendulum is short and it never goes far enough to do much damage.
I notice that the times of pure bliss and overwhelming joy are sporadically speckled with anger and irritation. I have a restlessness but because I think too much, the thinking itself complicates the ability to get things done.
The filter that blocks out intensity must be dissolving somewhat. This is often a blessing.
The feeling of connectedness, the awareness of the presence of God within and around all things... If I had a more capable filter, these things might not seep through to me.
It's just too bad that this also allows in the not so wonderful. Luckily I know how to bring about the feeling of wonder, and my forcing myself out for a walk with the little ones, whether it be drizzly and dreary, or clear and colourful, I am able to tap into the source, as the trickles and drips seep through the veil and into my heart.

Mark Knopfler - Brothers in Arms

2010-11-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

It Gets Better Canada

2010-11-04T00:17:00.000-07:00

Far from Truth

2010-10-24T16:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have these moments, where I swear my meds are giving me some weird side effect, and then I realize I'm not on meds. Not anymore. And in fact, while I was on meds, whether antidepressants or adhd meds, I felt a bit flat, and I found it a bit hard to keep my interest in things of a spiritual nature.

These moments have preceded my adulthood, and have never been frequent enough to make me wonder if I was a bit loopy. (I mean, we're ALL a bit loopy, but you know, MORE loopy than usual...)

Anyhow, the last significant moment was this recent spring. As the chill gave way to warmth. The ground warming and the fragrance of awakening earth mingling with the sound of newly born leaves rustling in the wind. A feeling of sudden overwhelming love, emotion, energy, music, LIFE. Fast forward six months...

This time, today, I was sitting in the backyard. The two little monkeys running about, playing in the soil of my slowly clearing flower beds. I was sitting in a plastic patio chair, in the center of the yard, back facing west, slightly angled to the north in order to keep the bright, low Autumn sun from shining directly into my face.

I looked up , and saw clouds. Just two full clouds, with a few scattered bits here and there, like little islands surrounding the big islands. The clouds were travelling in a southern direction, and they swelled, and expanded and billowed and contracted, all whilst gently moving from my left, to my right, and then finally dissipating altogether. Casting my glance down, to nothing in particular, perhaps a fallen leaf or something else that sort of stood out amongst my slightly overgrown grass, I saw, in my peripheral vision, all the grass, and the earth under it, slightly expanding, and then falling, like the heaving in and expelling action of a chest in the action of breathing.

I looked at the grass itself, and of course, typical of that tricky peripheral, I could see it still, all about the edges, a slight swell and flattening of grass. It was so very visible that at first I thought maybe it was the grass popping back up, all over the yard, from where little toddler feet had trampled it... and as I was contemplating this, I saw all the trees, my quince, the asian pear, the lilacs, and elderberries, the fatsia and low lying shrubs, all moving about....

The trees all moving, the grass rising and falling, the clouds filling and emptying, and it just hit me. Truth? I'm examining all of this. This insanely alien movement of beauty... this dance of the... World Soul? Shekhinah? God? all around me, and it is an experience that seems to mock all my questioning and analyzing as simple childish queries.

And at that moment I felt that Truth was something that would always elude me. How FAR I felt from an answer! ANY answers! I suddenly felt alone, and alien and silly. I felt that I was a solitary viewer of this show. I was an integral, connected AND remote, DISconnected observer

I suddenly felt like I should be barefoot in the damp grass, scattering food for the chickens I don't have, and wearing a scarf about my head. I suddenly felt as though time was overlapping in layers, and that they were mingled and meaningless but so very clear and full of meaning. Contradictions were abundant and I kept thinking, "I am SO far from knowing" And then I cried.

And then, I felt wonderful. I felt closer to the thing I call God, than ever before. I felt as though I was shown something. I can't explain what it was I was shown, and even though the feeling and images are still quite fresh in my mind, at ten after midnight tonight, of my experience thirteen hours ago, I am unable to put it all together. And I'm okay with that.

The experience lasted about five minutes, but the awe that I felt sat with me the rest of the day, and is still there as soon as I begin to think about it.

I'm sure to read this , if anyone does, it will come off sounding disjointed, and either completely plain and boring , or slightly insane - all depends on perspective I guess. But I wrote it nontheless, because in the past while, I become much more efficient at typing than writing with pen and paper , and far less likely to lose that which I type online, then that which I write down .

Oneness

2010-10-24T11:27:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile I feel blessed with the ability to sense a complete oneness. Sometimes, when I go for a walk, I am overwhelmed with the beauty, the smells, the sensations... wind blowing past my cheek, vivid colours - so many shades of green, pulsation of life all around. Every home with people in it, living, eating, cleaning, crying, laughing-
A feeling that I often am not able to describe or put my finger on takes over and tears fill my eyes. I feel the Divine Presence all around me, and within me, and there is a longing and almost sadness because I know that if I even think about it too long, it will vanish.
At times like those, I feel as though I am rustling the curtain. That invisible boundary that my 'little me' creates and strengthens whenever I allow myself to be sucked into the things that don't matter.
Just have to keep working at taking that curtain down, or at the very least, get sheers. :)

Autumn has finally stepped in

2010-10-22T15:28:00.000-07:00

Up until a certain point, in the beginning of Fall, despite the chilly mornings and there is still a stubborn Summer sun beaming down.
Then, one day, a particular rain comes, and with it, the winds of seasonal change.
The day that follows, there is a change in the air. The sun of the darker half of the year has assumed it's place and even on the sunniest days, one can feel the difference.
So it is today.
Up until yesterday, the sun was still so warm that during my walks, I would forget we were in mid-late October. Then the wind came, and a true Autumn shower. Today on our walk, there were many more leaves on the ground, damp and trodden. The smell of damp cold wood in the air, brought to life from a colder sun.
I do love it.
The kids are growing so much. This year Dante actually kind of understands Halloween. When we walk past houses that have ghoulish decor he says 'Look! Halloween!' . This year will be the kid's first real year going out. And just in time it seems, as now the older ones are quite done with trick-or-treating (well, still some tricking going on by my teenage son I'm sure).
We went out last night and got costumes for the two little ones. Nothing scary, Eyore for Dante (his choice) and Tigger for Demetrio. Just simple pull overs that can be worn over their regular clothes.
We'll just do a cul-de-sac and return home. Maybe do some groovy decorating. Who knows. As I age I find my interest in the rituals of society waning, and my interest in inner spiritual growth increasing. So, lest I become a fuddy-duddy, I have to remember to CELEBRATE!!!! :D