Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
My Chair
My chair is important. I sit in it, it supports my weight, and I rest. I sit in this chair while eating dinner, or while at the laptop or when studying and writing.
A lot of work went into that chair. It is part of my dining room table and it is wood, with engravings along the back. Much like most other dining room tables.
Does knowing where the chair come from and how it is made affect it's usefulness?
Not particularly.
It is strong, relatively comfortable and therefore serves its purpose.
I find recently that this applies to my Gnostic studies.
The purpose of my chair is for sitting.
The purpose of Gnosticism is to bring about Gnosis. Isn't it?
Yeah, it's somewhat simplified, but enough things in life are complicated. I'm simplifying where it seems appropriate.
I've spent time doing what feels like putting square pegs in round holes.
I've been quite pre-occupied learning about the different Gnostic groups, Gnostic Myths, Gnostic Communities....
Trying to find ways of making these different things fit in with the service I would like to run if I am a Minister or Priest one day.
Then, two things were said to me in one day;
" We want to ponder how many angels can fit on the head of a needle. We want someone to define the answers for us. It may be pleasureable.....but it produces no fruit." - Father Jay,
"To a Gnostic seeker, Gnosticism itself will have to be transcended in order to move forward."Father Bryan
These statements made alot of sense.
What I was doing... was it bearing fruit? Was I any closer to a deeper understanding of myself? Was I any closer to knowing who I was?
I needed to stop seeing 'Gnosticism' as the moon, and realize it for being merely the pointing finger that it is.
I needed to move forward. Time to cut loose all the frills and gimmicks and just get to know God. Get to know myself.
I have a very deep spiritual side, but putting that into action is tough. I'm quick to anger, and easily irritated. My intentions are good, and when I miss the mark (so often) I am very, very aware of it, and very bothered by it.
If I take on a ministering role, it will be as a guide. Sitting with a group of people, perhaps chanting, reflecting on passages from Gospel of Thomas, and using books on contemplation and meditation as key literature. The purpose will be to help others in order that they may learn how to know themselves.
We have a common goal.
Gnosis.
It's not about titles, or labels or hierarchy.
It's about manifesting the Kingdom of God here and now.
As Sons and Daughters of The Light.
Christ had a message. This message had become quite obscured for myself because I was more concerned with learning about the past than I was working on learning who I am here and now.
These guys, and those guys... them over this way, and those over that way....
Their experiences are worth understanding, most definitely.
However, we never know which day is to be our last day, until it is too late, and I don't want to be spending time on the bits and pieces that don't matter.
Because after all, my chair is for sitting on.
And in the end, that is the most important thing.
Knowing all the ins and outs of my chair is great trivia.... but it bears no fruit.
And right now, fruit is what I truly need.
In Christ,
Shilo
This of course, like any of my posts, is MY opinion only.
Friday, August 20, 2010
What's More Important
Home is where the heart is. We raise children (two legged AND four legged ;) ), we make memories, we make it our own. Sure, making enough money so that we can HAVE that home is important, but the job itself shouldn't really matter. Does it allow us to have a roof over our head and food in our bellies? Good enough. It's not the size of the home, but the amount of love we put into it.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Just another blog post
Going to the eye doctor today to finally update a prescription for glasses. I haven't worn glasses in about 15 years, but it's becoming quite evident I need to wear them again.
As for meds, still figuring out the correct dose of Strattera. Was up at 40mg but felt more of the actual side effects than any benefits. So, back down to 25 for now. Tomorrow I'll add in a 10mg, bringing it to 35. Zoloft is down to one 25mg every fourth day. I still really feel the SSRI withdrawal effects by the third day.
Spiritually, still trying to find my place. I've felt quite separated from God the past little while. Knowing He is ever present, but unable to find that feeling of 'connected'. I think it has alot to do with the fact that the two youngest kids have been getting noisier and noiser and the only silent time I have to myself these days is at about 11pm, when they are finally both sound asleep and all the chaos of the day is half-assedly put away in containers , boxes and tucked away on shelves.
Well, that's enough for today's post.
Demetrio is screaming like a lunatic and hubby has to sleep because he is working nights.
God Bless
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)